


With Bloodied Hearts and Broken Hands

by thesnowyswan



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, Martial Arts, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Student Robert, Teacher Aaron, mentions of past violence, whatever the hell slow is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-01-30 13:03:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12654078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesnowyswan/pseuds/thesnowyswan
Summary: It takes being beaten up in his own home to get Robert to finally sign up for a PT class with the boxer/martial arts teacher that Vic is always going on about.Martial Arts/Boxer!AU with teacher!Aaron and student!Robert.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This story is pure vanity. Especially since I'm making Aaron a martial arts instructor who fights as a boxer but practices/teaches kickboxing for his business because that's what I do. Kickboxing > boxing. We get to touch people's faces with our feet. XD It won't be a long story I don't think, I have it more or less plotted out, but the issue is having time to complete it. I have other commitments so this story is a bit of a floater, but I will try to update it as often as I can (once a week), however, I make no promises on regularity.

It takes being beaten up in his own home to get Robert to finally sign up for a PT class with the boxer and martial arts teacher that Vic is always going on about.

“You’d love him, he’s dead nice.” She gushes as she’s rolling out pastry for a pie. “He even teaches little kids. They’re adorable. Terrifying, but adorable.”

So, he calls. He’s got a one-to-one on Friday and a list of basic requirements: what to wear, bring water, gloves etc will be provided.

“It’ll be good for you, Rob. Help you feel strong again.” Vic rubs his shoulder and Robert tries not to shake her off. He doesn’t need her sympathy. He just needs to stop feeling whatever is sitting in his gut.

 

 

 

 

Robert walks into a nice clean office on Friday, empty apart from a woman behind a desk that tells him to go up, gesturing to an alcove where the stairs must be.

He’s is already changed into his gear, so he drops his bag on the floor and clears his throat. ‘Aaron’ has his back to him while he sorts out gloves into various boxes.

He’s nothing like Robert expected. He’s young, younger than Robert, with dark hair and bright blue eyes and well-trimmed stubble. And fit. He’s pretty fit.

“Aaron Dingle, you?” Aaron doesn’t offer his hand as he walks over so Robert keeps his by his side.

“Robert. Sugden.” He feels suddenly at odds with this information he’s found out. Aaron was supposed to be a retired gentleman who could help Robert not feel such a pillock for giving up so easily.

“You came highly recommended.”

He grimaces. It's a pretty pathetic follow up statement, but luckily, Aaron doesn’t seem to pay attention to how uncomfortable he feels so that’s something.

In fact, he smiles at Robert’s comment, like he knows something, “Yeah, how’s that?”

“My sister, Vic, Victoria, comes here. For the ladies class.”

“Sugden, yeah, I know ya now.” Aaron’s starting to wrap his left wrist with a length of fabric and Robert frowns, unsure if he should do the same. Aaron seems to pick up on it and tells him, “Unless you have weak wrists or work a heavy bag there’s no point. Wraps offer protection where you need it, no point in stuffing up your glove otherwise. I did myself an injury my last fight and it’ll help when I hold the pads.”

He gets the feeling that’s probably the most Aaron has ever said one anyone person at any given time.

But it does make Robert feel self-conscious, if Aaron’s hurt, then maybe this isn’t the best idea. “Are you sure...?”

“Less talking, more running.” Aaron gestures a circle with his finger and he raises his eyebrows when Robert doesn’t move fast enough.

The warm up is disgusting. He had always considered himself to be fit and healthy, but 50 star jumps, 40 power jacks, 30 push ups, 20 sit ups and 10 burpees for time is a limit for no sane human. His thighs are burning with lactic acid and he wants to be left to die on the floor, but Aaron is nudging him up.

“Gotta stretch now.”

Robert opens one eye, “There can’t be more of this.”

Aaron has him do 5 kinds of leg raises, rolling his shoulders, elbows and arms, circling his hips and a stretch for his hip flexors, muscles that join his hip to his thigh apparently, that have him in a borderline front split and doesn’t feel good at all.

“Okay, first lesson, stand with your feet together. Comfortable, but so you can roll a tennis ball between them.”

Robert does as he’s told and Aaron nods.

“Now take a step forward. Not too much, you don’t want to lose your balance. Bounce a couple of times, get a feel for it. Good. Now raise your hands. You wanna keep your right - you’re right handed?”

Robert nods, his right hand slightly higher and waiting.

“Okay, your right hand on your face,” Aaron shows him his fist high up on his cheek, higher than Robert would have thought, knuckles kissing his brow. “Your left stays up, but looser in front.”

Aaron’s left hand is now the same height as his right with a good inch between his fist and his face.

“Makes it easier to pop out the jab.” He pushes his left hand forward towards Robert, his hips twisting slightly before rotating back. “Whatever your combination, always start with your left. 90% of what you do in any fight will be jabs. They check your opponent more often than not, so still worth practicing.”

Robert tries to mimic what Aaron’s done and he does okay enough that Aaron only taps up under his left elbow to raise it. He ‘pops’ his jab out, but it has none of the speed or fluidity that Aaron has, so he feels stupid until he sees Aaron nodding in the affirmative.

“Now push out your right, that’s your cross. Your power punch.” Aaron shows him again, turning on the ball of his right foot and driving his arm forward.

Whatever Robert does, it isn’t what Aaron wanted so he steps forward, towards Robert and stops, “Is it okay if I touch you?”

That startles him a bit, “Yeah, sure.”

Aaron comes up behind him, “You want to drive from your hips, it’s where all your power comes from. Every single punch starts here. Your arms are just an extension of that.”

His hands are warm when they grip Robert’s hips, gentle but firm, pushing left first and then right. It’s exaggerated, and Robert almost wobbles over.

“Jab and then cross.” Aaron comes back around in front of him.

“Okay, straighten your arms right out when you punch, hit my palm.” He holds his hand up in front of his face but steps just out of Robert’s reach. He feels like he’s lurching forward while trying to move his hips and he overbalances, has to take a step or fall on his face.

“You’re too high on your toes, set your weight further back.” Aaron rocks his body back, his heels digging into the mats before coming back. “You’re doing good, Robert. It’s a lot to think about.”

Aaron doesn’t give him much more to think about because he hands him a pair of gloves, slick and black, while he puts on what look like thick ping pong paddles for hands.

“Your jab is a 1 and jab-cross is a 2. 1.”

Robert punches his left hand to Aaron’s left where he’s waggling the pad.

“Good. 2.”

It works a little better in motion like this. His body flowing from one movement to the next. Aaron taps lightly into his gloves and it is a satisfying slap sound in the air.

That lasts all of 30 seconds before Aaron starts drilling him like he’s in the damn army.

“50 punches.” Aaron demands as Robert heaves for a second. He’s learned fast that too much water just creates problems rather than helps.

Still, the hour goes by surprisingly fast.

“Like I said, you did good, Sugden.” Aaron claps him on the back before he puts Robert’s gloves away. “I’ll see you next week.”

Robert nods, automatically shoving his hand out and mentally slapping himself for not stopping it before it was too late. Except Aaron looks at his hand and shakes it, this one free of fabric. His palm is warm and dry, and Robert looks from his hand to Aaron’s face. It’s different to how it was before. Aaron’s face is more open, a slight curve to his mouth that wasn’t there before. Robert smiles back before the moment is broken by the ladies class that is scheduled in for after his private.

Vic spots him and waves, so he waves back, Aaron nodding before he drops Robert’s hand, moving off slightly, getting ready to teach again. He moves so that he’s standing at the front of the class, hands behind his back, feet apart, getting ready to bow the class in.

“Bye, Robert.”

It’s soft. So damn soft that it hits the pit of Robert’s stomach. Vic is looking back at him and frowning. Robert shakes his head, himself really, and picks up his bag. He makes his way to the stairs and raises his hand before he leaves:

“See ya, Aaron.”


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It’s in the twilight hours on Monday that Robert wakes up in his flat; chest heaving, back and belly slick with sweat, hands grasping to see where he is._

It’s in the twilight hours on Monday that Robert wakes up in his flat; chest heaving, back and belly slick with sweat, hands grasping to see where he is. He fumbles for his bedside lamp, flicking it on, and trying to slow his breathing. It’s 3:22am. He has three missed calls and one message he won’t open. He curses and gets himself out of bed, he won’t sleep now. He strips his sheets, chucking them in the wash before grabbing new ones out of the drawer and a towel for his shower. His phone goes again. He squeezes his eyes shut and pretends like it doesn’t exist at all.

Victoria shows up at 7 for their every other day breakfast date. She takes one look at him, with his fluffy hair and dark eyes, and she knows he hasn’t slept.

“Rob…”

He knows what she’s going to say: _come home. Let me help you_.

Instead, he manages a small wan smile, “Let’s eat, hmm. I’ve been looking forward to this since yesterday.”

She doesn’t want to let it go, but she isn’t going to force him, “Yeah, alright.”

There’s a comfort in just being with his sister, her handing him things and telling him to crack eggs to keep his hands busy while she chops and preps everything else. If there’s anything he can do, it’s trust Vic to brighten up his day.

“Oh! How was your session with Aaron?” She asks, loudly, like it just came to her in the moment.

Robert grimaces, “Good, until about yesterday when my legs wanted to fall off.”

Vic laughs, happy and encompassing of Robert’s small open plan kitchen. “Coulda probably warned you about that, but figured you wouldn’t go otherwise.”

He nods, watching the pan sizzle as she adds the eggs.

“He’s cute too.”

Robert’s stomach drops. His eyes flick to hers and she seems none the wiser to what she’s said.

“You know, in that ‘grumpy, nothing touches me I’m so manly, but I melt around kids’ sort of way. Which I suppose is about 90% of people’s type.”

She’s smiling up at him, but his heart is trying to beat out of his chest. She frowns, “Robert? You okay?”

He nods, his tongue thick in his mouth as he grabs plates from the cupboard. Vic cuts the folded omelette in half, it’s the way they’ve always done it, so that they can actually eat together and not wait for another to cook. Robert pours out a glass of orange juice for Vic and leaves it on the breakfast bar/island as she smiles again. Robert just tries to let go of everything that has happened since he woke up this morning.

 

 

He facetimes his assistant, Zoe, later that day from his home office. She looks dishevelled, her dark hair creeping out of her ponytail and her eyes wide.

“Mr Sugden!” She all but cries at him. She’s holding a pile of files clutches to her chest like a small infant and her face beaming.

“Hi, Zoe, sorry about all this, I just wanted to let you know I still won’t be in until the end of next week.”

Her face drops a little, “Oh. That’s fine. Are you okay?”

Robert tries for a smile, it seems to mollify Zoe, but he doesn’t feel it, “Lots to sort out my end for this new office. You seem to be doing great with our current contracts.”

She blushes high on her cheeks, “Thank you, your notes were very comprehensive. Mr—”

“Robert.” He sighs. “Call me Robert.”

There’s a moment because in the three years that Zoe has worked for Robert, he has never once asked her to call him by his first name. She’s a sweet woman and Robert doesn’t have it in him anymore to fight for an image he couldn’t give a rat’s arse about.

Zoe nods, runs him down the main issues of the week and gets his input before sighing happily, “Thanks…Robert. That was a big help.”

“You’re welcome, Zoe.”

 

 

Robert manages to plod through the rest of the week without incident, or at least not one anyone could call him on. Vic tries. She comes back on Wednesday with the makings for baking brioche, Robert’s favourite, and sets herself up in his kitchen for most of the morning. He’s well rested so she can’t call him on his face, he’s been in contact with Zoe for an hour every day and he hasn’t jumped once when his phone rang. If anything, she looks higher in her disapproval that he’s coping. He steals a chunk of the bread while it’s hot and barely gets away with it when Vic chases him. She laughs because he does. Her face softening with a small nod. She gets it. He’s okay today.

 

 

He isn’t okay on Friday. He has another rough night and Zoe called him in a panic over a high-end client shouting the odds at her like she was his personal slave. Robert steps in, putting on his best suit for his unintended facetime date and schmoose. The client is a little better with Robert, and Robert’s seniority seems to appease the man, so they get away without having to go to any higher ups. But it’s this set back that ensures that by the time he gets to his session with Aaron, Robert manages exactly zero percent accuracy. Aaron has him do a 5 x 5 warm up of squats, powerjacks, push ups and burpees. He thinks he gets pulled up for having his legs apart for every single burpee.

It doesn’t get better either. Aaron runs him through jabs and hooks again, and he pushes a little too far on his jab, forcing Aaron to slip it over his shoulder. Robert frowns and apologises, trying to get back to it, except Aaron slides his right foot along the inside line of his own and kicks. Robert falls like a ton of bricks, arms flailing backwards. It doesn’t hurt, the mats make sure of that, but he’s shocked when he blinks up at Aaron.

“You mate, need to figure it out.” Aaron tells him as he leans over him. There’s an interplay over his features that Robert doesn’t quite understand before he says, “Tell you what, I’ve got a session free Tuesday night, come back then and do what you didn’t do today, properly. 9 o’clock.”

The ladies come in again, and Vic barely contains herself when she sees her brother on the floor. Robert shakes his head. Aaron offers him a hand up and looks between him and Vic. Aaron can see he’s upset her, but not why. His eyes look back at Robert for answers, but Robert doesn’t give them. He doesn’t owe Aaron anything. Let him fear the wrath of Victoria Sugden.

 

 

Turns out, Victoria can’t wait until Sunday to tell him how mad Aaron sweeping him made her. She turns up lunch time on Saturday when he’s just sat down on his settee with a beer and a Netflix documentary he’s had on his list for ages.

“He’s supposed to be helping you. Teaching you!”

Robert just lets her go, grabbing a wine glass and opening a fresh bottle of the white she likes and he keeps in his fridge.

“I wouldn’t have even suggested it if I knew he was gonna do that, you know that, don’t you, Robert?”

His heart just swells up with love and he hugs his sister, kissing her on the side of her forehead before handing her the cold glass.

“He was teaching me, Vic, teaching me to be aware. I was sloppy the whole session. I— I didn’t sleep well. That’s not his fault.”

Robert gestures for them to sit and Victoria sits next to him, doing the funny little twisting movement she does whenever she sits on Robert’s sofa so that she can squish herself right into it.

“Aaron’s a good bloke.” She concedes, “But you’re not ready for all that.”

He sighs, “Look, if it were up to you, I’d never be ready for any of it, but like you said, Aaron is a good bloke. I like what I’ve seen of him so far.”

There’s a part of Robert’s brain that is screaming at him for putting it like that, but Victoria doesn’t hear it. She nods, taking a sip and putting her glass on one of Robert’s obnoxiously fancy coasters.

“We like Aaron.” She says, almost sagely. Robert nods, not trusting himself to voice anything to the contrary.

Vic flicks back on his documentary and proceeds to complain the whole way through that he’s old and boring, so he only catches half of everything that’s said, but it’s also one of his favourite ways to spend an afternoon.

 

 

By the time Tuesday night rolls around, Robert is feeling a lot better than Friday. He’s rolling his shoulders and popping a few cricks up on the mats by himself when Aaron comes up, unzipping what looks like the only hoodie he owns, by Robert’s count.

“Ready?” Aaron asks him.

_Is he?_

“As I’ll ever be.”

Turns out, he was not ready. The ab accessory work alone could have done him in, Aaron sitting on his calves, pressing on his hip and thigh so that he is forced to rise up using only his obliques. He gets told off only once for using his elbow to help himself off the floor, but he doesn’t do it again and Aaron congratulates him, “Nice one.”

Robert suddenly becomes very aware that Aaron is sitting on his legs, firm fingers digging into his hip, front and back, his arms tight in a sleeveless tank top. He doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to get off, and Robert takes a deep breath. He looks up at Aaron, whose blue eyes are searching him for a moment before they shutter, Aaron’s hand coming out to offer him help up as he slips off Robert’s legs. Robert feels his stomach roil, but he takes Aaron’s hand, letting his fingers slide over Aaron’s rough ones. It’s a tense moment, undercut by _something_ Robert isn’t even sure is there.

“Grab your gloves, I’m gonna teach you how to hook.” Aaron tells him as he breaks for the pads. It leaves Robert feeling like he just imagined the whole thing.

Aaron drops his pads down by his foot and grabs Robert’s arm, “Elbow behind wrist, wrist behind fist. Any other way, you’ll break summat.”

He manipulates Robert’s arm until it’s bent but straight from his hand to his elbow.

“Hooks are circular punches, for the head and body,” Aaron sets his left arm up like Robert’s and swings it around to just before it touches the side of Robert’s face. Robert watches as he twists on his left foot and drives his hips into it. He does it again, but aims for Robert’s side.

Robert attempts it, but it’s weak. Aaron steps into Robert’s space and pulls his hips again, “The power comes from here, Robert.”

They’re close. So close. Robert can see the clean edge of where Aaron trims his stubble and the flecks of darker blue in his eyes. He can’t help but let his eyes drop to Aaron’s mouth, slightly parted before he bites on his bottom lip.

Robert panics, and it makes him cough, Aaron pushing himself away when he does, grabbing the pads from where he left them.

The rest of the session passes without incident and Robert gets a better handle on his hooks, the mechanics of how they roll off the cross and slide right in off the retraction of a jab.

Tonight is the first night Aaron doesn’t offer Robert his hand to shake before he leaves. Robert nods towards him and feels emptier for it.

“Friday?” He asks, hesitantly.

Aaron looks at him, harder to read than ever before. “Friday.”

 

 

Robert is exhausted when he makes it home, showering quickly before he flops onto his bed. His phone bings again and he sighs before picking it up.

Swiping the screen, he doesn’t check who they’re from before he reads them.

**Where are you? We need to talk.**

**Please. We need to talk.**

**I love you**.

He drops his phone on his bed and presses the heels of his hands into his closed eyelids, rubbing harshly. Blinking rapidly, Robert takes a deep breath in, lets it out, and ignores the texts like he never saw them in the first place.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Robert curls up in a ball and covers his face with his arms and prays. Prays it will be over soon as he feels a foot ram into the bottom of his back and he holds his head tighter. His eyes are pressed so tightly shut when he eventually opens them, he can see stars. There’s silence and he just lies there wondering how it all got so messed up._

_Robert curls up in a ball and covers his face with his arms and prays. Prays it will be over soon as he feels a foot ram into the bottom of his back and he holds his head tighter. His eyes are pressed so tightly shut when he eventually opens them, he can see stars. There’s silence and he just lies there wondering how it all got so messed up_.

To say he isn’t shaken by the texts he read would be a lie, but he manages to put them to the back of his mind long enough to make his way into the village the next day. Victoria has a half day at work and she wants to show him her kitchen, her pride and joy as well as show him off to her friends. Part of him feels guilty that it was something as serious as this that brought them back together, but it’s better than nothing.

“Ah! Rob!” Victoria calls to him when he pushes the door open to the Woolpack. It’s strange being back here after so long away, especially as none of it has changed since he left.

Robert nods his head, “Hey Vic.”

He’s forced to sit at the bar and eat several small plates of things Victoria is planning to show to Marlon in the hopes that she can expand their menu. There’s a rustic chicken pie, which Robert really likes, ratatouille, which is a bit sweet for his tastes and a burger with a smoky BBQ glaze that anyone would be stupid to ignore. He moves to finish it and Vic slaps his hand, “You won’t eat your lunch.”

He snorts, “Sorry, Mum.”

She glares at him, but it doesn’t last because the door opens again and she’s beaming, “Oh, Adam, try this!”

Robert has a vague recollection of Adam Barton from Victoria’s stories about him. Interestingly, she had never mentioned her clear crush on him, and from the looks of it, it is clearly returned.

“More victims,” Robert mutters in soft jest and he gets pinched for his trouble. He’s rubbing his wrist when he turns around and is faced with Aaron. “Oh.”

He’s different. He’s wearing jeans and a long sleeved black jumper and looks incongruous in comparison to how Robert is used to seeing him.

“Robert.” Aaron says in way of greeting, sliding onto the stool next to him. Adam sits on Aaron’s other side and continues to make soft eyes at Robert’s sister. Robert wants to say something about it, but he’s distracted by Aaron’s focus on him. He suddenly feels like the only person in the room when he nods and half smiles, “Aaron.”

Aaron thanks Victoria for the pint she puts in front of him and Robert rolls his shoulders and absently pushes at the plates in front of him. He’s never felt quite so unnerved by another person.

“Anything worth having?” Aaron asks him and Robert’s brain short circuits for a second before he replies, “I’ve had better.”

There’s a small smile on his face and Robert wants more of it, he takes a sip of his own beer and tilts his chin up. Aaron’s smile widens a bit further, “Is that so? Guess you’ll have to tell me about it some time.”

“Maybe I will.”

A shadow casts on Aaron’s face and Robert wants desperately to get rid of it, but Aaron squares his shoulders and swipes his hand on Adam’s back, “I’m gonna see me mum, catch you later.”

Adam nods and looks at Robert, like he thinks he’s to blame, but he shrugs his shoulders when Aaron turns his back on him. He takes his beer and disappears.

Robert frowns, “His mum?”

Victoria nods, “Chas.”

“Chas Dingle?” Intellectually he knows Aaron is a Dingle, but to put two and two together is a bit mind bending.

“Yeah, it took ‘em awhile to get going, but they’re thick as thieves now.” Adam declares, his gaze heavy on Robert and it makes him feel sick.

“Is that right?” He makes himself sound nonchalant and Adam stops looking at him like he knows about the moment he and Aaron shared. Maybe he does, maybe he was asserting his intent to protect his friend. Robert feels faint, he can’t be here. He feels exposed.

Victoria picks up on his change in mood, “Robert?”

He can’t talk, he has to go. He waves her off, Adam holding her arm to stop her from going after him.

Another text pings through on his phone:

 **I know what I did was wrong. Let me explain**.

Robert grunts his frustration out at even reading the stupid message, his hand almost trying to crush his phone.

He keeps walking until a hand presses at his chest. He blinks, his eyes focus, and Aaron is looking at him with concern.

“Robert?”

It’s all too much, his skin is tight, his heart is pounding as he tries to push forward, Aaron presses his other hand against Robert’s chest.

“ _Robert_.”

Robert can’t take the concern. It’s fake. It’s all fake. Lies built on lies. Aaron grabs at his arms and tries to move Robert but he pushes him away. He doesn’t leave, and it makes Robert angry. Aaron doesn’t know him. Doesn’t know his life. How dare he look at him with such pity.

“Move.”

Aaron doesn’t go anywhere, “You’re upset.”

It snaps something inside Robert. His nightmares, his daily reminders through text, and this stupidly beautiful man who didn’t do anything but come into Robert’s life, all push through the break.

Robert grabs Aaron’s face with both his hands, gripping his jaw as he roughly steals a kiss. Nothing happens for a moment, Robert just works his mouth over Aaron’s, feeling the soft scrape of his beard as it shoots tingles down his spine, and then Aaron pushes back, pulling at Robert’s wrists. It’s aggressive, Aaron doesn’t let go of him, just tightens his hands imperceptibly before he takes his fill too, tongue swiping against Robert’s lips, not letting him escape when he tries to pull back a little. Robert lets out a soft little moan before he hears the inner door of the pub go and he yanks himself back. Aaron lets go immediately and Victoria peers out the door.

“Robert? You still out here?”

He gulps, “Yeah, I’m just getting a cab. Aaron was waiting with me.”

Aaron doesn’t let up from his heavy look on Robert’s back, it almost feels like a touch, such is its weight.

Vic smiles softly at him, “I know that stuff can be a lot, but you’re doing really well.”

Robert knows his sister means well but he feels hot shame run down his body at having his weaknesses exposed in front of Aaron.

Aaron throws up his hand in a gesture, “If you’re waiting, I’ll go back in, shall I?”

Robert wants to keep him there, kiss him again, but he also wants him gone. Wants to be rid of the temptation.

“Thanks for that, mate.” Robert nods and Aaron looks back at him, a little sad. It stabs him in the chest, but he can’t, he can’t be more than he is.

Vic rubs her arms against the cold, “How long will it be do you reckon?”

Robert slides his phone open and books an Uber, “’Bout 10 minutes, s’not a big deal, go back inside.”

She looks hesitant, but she relents, “If you’re sure?”

He smiles, “I am.”

The notification comes up on his lock screen:

 **You can’t stay mad forever**.

 _Watch me_.

 

 

 

Not much happens between Wednesday and Friday beyond the usual visits from Victoria and his daily phone calls to Zoe. He was supposed to be in house today, but he laid staring at his ceiling for so long in the night that he managed to talk himself out of going. Part of him hates it, that he’s succumbed to his fear but he can’t make himself go. He throws his stuff together for his training session with Aaron and he feels calmer. He likes the logic of learning, everything is a step with an action and reaction that, to a certain extent, can be predicted.

He doesn’t know if it’s bravery or stupidity but he texts back:

 **I’m done. Stop contacting me**.

Then he switches his phone off and heads down to his car. He has a different kind of butterflies in his stomach now.

Aaron is already there, in a different hoodie, and it makes Robert smile as he drops his bag down. He falters when he gets a read on Aaron’s body language, everything closed off and tight.

“I’m gonna say this once, and only once. I’m gay, you got a problem with that, there’s the door.” Aaron gestures to behind Robert.

“It’s not a problem.” He replies, honestly. It’s really not. He’s the problem. He’s the one crippled by his own choices.

Aaron nods and lets out a breath he must have been holding, “Okay, get your kit on.”

“Are you not—” _gonna ask me?_

He shrugs, “Not my business, is it?”

It’s both a relief and a slap. Aaron isn’t going to hold him to his behaviour yesterday because he doesn’t think Robert was serious when he kissed him.

Part of him, a big part, wants to argue but he mirrors Aaron’s shrug: “Fair enough.”

Aaron pushes him through the warm up, focusing on his legs with squats, powerjacks, lunges and jumps.

“People think if they pull their knees up they’re going further but it’s just perception.” Aaron practices both jumps, and Robert considers the distance travelled and it is same for both. It just looks more when Aaron tucks his legs under himself. “Do ten of each exercise three times. Don’t forget to use your arms for the jumps, drive yourself up.”

It’s the first time that Aaron offers him shin guards and boots without a bottom. He stares at them for a second before Aaron waves him over to sit in front of him. Robert slips his foot in and makes sure the band is under his foot while Aaron crosses it over and under, velcroing it at the back. He does the same for the other foot. His hand lingers on Robert’s ankle, he isn’t even touching skin, but Robert feels it, feels everything it seems when it comes to Aaron.

“The most underrated kick in the whole of martial arts: the front kick.” Aaron lifts his knee up and flicks his foot out in front of him. “Hit with the ball of your foot so you don’t break anything, yeah?”

Aaron grabs his pads and it takes Robert a couple of tries to actually hit the target. One hits Aaron on his thigh and Robert winces before Aaron gestures for him to continue. He gets the hang of it though and Aaron tells him they’ll try roundhouse kicks next session.

Robert takes his gear off and tries to catch Aaron’s attention. “Aaron—

“Whatever it is, Robert, don’t bother.” Aaron sighs like he’s resigned, and Robert feels like dirt. “If you want that Tuesday session text me and let me know.”

He nods, his tongue thick in his head, and Aaron waves him off as the ladies come up for their class. It’s the first time in a long time that Robert gets genuinely angry. He walks himself to his car and shoves his bag in the boot before sliding into the driver’s seat, his hands slapping down on the steering wheel.

He turns his phone back on and he has a returned message and he braces himself to read it:

 **It’s not over. It’ll never be over. You know it**.

He doesn’t even consider it, he just types back and sends it with all the anger in his body:

 **Go to hell**.

The reply is immediate:

 **Save you a seat**.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr.](https://thesnowyswan.tumblr.com)


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _His life is on the up now. He’s going to get past all this and he’s gonna be okay. He is._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: moderate foul language in this chapter.

Robert tries to put the stresses of Friday behind him with a fresh start and a just cleaned suit on Monday. He girds himself to head into the London office, step one of his graduated return to work, but he knows the score. He knows what games are being played and he’s already working to set in motion what he needs to get out from under all this with as much of what he’s owed.

Ken, a bland dog’s body from ‘Management’, greets him in his office and asks how he is. “I heard it was a pretty nasty fall and that you narrowly missed having surgery.”

Robert steeples his fingers, Ken is one of the worst of his kind, he has no loyalty. He’ll suck up wherever he can to get ahead. At least Robert has lived, and almost died, by his own decisions.

“No, no surgery, just a bit of rehab for my back.”

_Pain. Sharp, dizzying. Sickening._

He gets up to grab a file from the free-standing draw to his right and he doesn’t even turn before he asks, “So, what does the boss man want?”

When Robert turns back, Ken is twirling one of Robert’s pens from his pot and he wants to steal it back. Instead, he sits back down with the Macallen file and pretends to open it with interest.

“Just to check up on you, see how you are. He’d be here himself, but he’s had a couple of big meetings this week.”

Robert hums in the affirmative, but he’s seething. He doesn’t want to see that prat till that day _he_ dies, but he’d rather face that hairy scrote than be condescended to.

“Well, I’ll be in most of this week. Maybe I’ll catch him.” Robert smiles and takes the pen from Ken’s clammy fingers, “Maybe I won’t. Lots to do, you know.”

Ken takes the dig for what it is and excuses himself with a cough.

“It’s good to see you so well, Robert. We were all worried.” With a tap on his doorframe, Ken leaves and Robert realises that he needs to work faster.

He calls through to Zoe and gets her to bring him his black book from her locked drawer and she hands it to him with a hesitant look.

“A bad fall was it?” He asks as he flicks to the back pages.

Her eyes flick up to his, “The worst. I think I heard one rumour that you had your jaw wired shut to stop your teeth falling out.”

Robert looks at her and she can’t contain her smile. Miraculously, it somehow reaches him. “Good to know what I’m walking into.”

Zoe picks up the Macallen file and puts it away, “I wasn’t sure, so I didn’t say. I also didn’t want to draw attention to myself.”

Her head cocks towards the other assistants who haven’t worked up to the level of privilege Zoe has and have to share four desks out in the foyer of their floor.

“Good thinking.” He thinks about the matching red book that Zoe has in her desk. “How’s Paul?”

Paul is Zoe’s boyfriend of four years, a barrister in town, and they are ‘seriously loved up’ by her assertions and the number of cats they have is anything to go by.

“He’s great. He’s also been looking into the Finlay case like you asked.” She hands him two files from the cabinet, the Finlay file slotted inside the Appletree one.

Robert feels a swirl of excitement hit his stomach when he reads it. He almost can’t believe what he has in his hands. He stands up and grabs Zoe’s hand, pulling her towards him and kissing her cheek, “You are an angel.”

She looks at him, flustered and grabbing her hand back, “Yeah, well, it’s a good thing you’re pretty.”

He can’t even stop the laugh he barks out. Robert grabs up his coat and Zoe frowns, “are you leaving already?”

“Things to do, Zoe! People to see.” He shakes the file in his hand and grabs his satchel, stuffing it inside.

Zoe sighs and picks up a stack of papers he should be looking at, his black book hidden beneath them, and folds them under her arm: “I better get the pay rise of my life after this.”

That stops him, Robert looks at Zoe with her scraped up ponytail and tired expression and he feels the weight of all she’s done for him on his shoulders.

“It won’t be a pay rise, Zoe, it’ll be a partnership.” And he means it. She’s been his eyes and ears and _he can trust her_.

“Good. I have my eye on a pair of Louboutins and they don’t pay for themselves.” Zoe shakes her head and walks back out to her desk. Robert follows her out and carries on to the lift.

The doors open and the source of all his conflict stares him right in the face.

“Robert! How good to see you!”

He’s frozen, his spine rigid as more people pile out and congregate in front of him.

_Shut up, shut up, shut up._

“Glad you healed up so well, we heard the most terrible stories, didn’t we?”

“Heard?” One of the suits asks.

“Robert went home to stay with his sister, his choice, as she was much better equipped than us to help Robert.”

_Motherfucking snake._

“Yes, Lawrence, it’s a great thing to be surrounded by family. If you know who they are.”

The hit lands exactly where he wants it to and Robert feels his body loosen and propel him towards the metal doors without waiting for a reply. He can feel the holes being drilled into his back, but screw ‘im. He has the Finlay file. He’s going to take the bastard down.

_Pain. Sharp, dizzying. Sickening. He can taste the slick iron of blood in his mouth, dribbling out with his spit as he tries to uncurl his broken, trodden on left hand. He can’t help a shallow cry when he tries to move his back, so he has to shuffle on his side to reach his landline._

_The ambulance gets let in by Robert’s landlord who curses when he sees the state of him. They get him onto the stretcher and he can’t hold on anymore. The pitch black of unconsciousness takes him and he won’t wake up for three days after that._

Robert might never get justice, but he’ll have vengeance instead. He grips his bag, and the file, tighter before he gets out his phone and texts Aaron: _I’ll take that class_.

 

Paul really comes through for Robert on the old dealings of Lawrence’s companies and the more…unsavoury contacts. He had a point A and a point B, but no way of connecting them until this. His blood rises with the prospect of how good it’s going to feel to bring it all down around that smug bastard’s ears. Fool Robert once, shame on him, but never again. He’s going to fleece and burn it all down. He’s practically buzzing when he sees Vic in the pub later.

“I thought you were in London for the week?” She happily exclaims as he walks through the door.

Robert can’t help the coat hanger smile he’s got on his face, “Mmm, some things worked out and I need to see to them from home.”

He has to let himself be hugged as Victoria squeezes him with all her tiny might, which is actually a lot now that she trains with Aaron. “Okay, ow.”

She drops her arms immediately, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry—”

He puts up his hand, “It’s fine, Vic, you got me just the right amount. Gimme a sec, I’ve been in the car for ages and I’m breaking my neck here.”

Victoria wrinkles her nose, “Gross, but I’ll get the drinks in then, yeah? An orange juice and a glass of white and you can pay me back.”

Robert laughs on his way to the bathroom and doesn’t see Aaron until they almost crash bodily into each other.

“You look happy.” Aaron comments and Robert just ups his wattage again. Aaron looks really good in dark blue jeans and a long sleeve grey jumper that looks so soft that his fingers almost want to touch it.

Robert nods and keeps his hands to himself, “Good day at work.”

Aaron frowns, “What is it that you do?”

“Actually, I’m about to go into business for myself, so it’s all pretty exciting.” Like Zoe this morning, Robert’s mood gets a twitch of a smile out of Aaron, and unexpectedly, the tension between them eases. Aaron even sways a little bit towards Robert as he reminds him about their session tomorrow.

“You’re still up for it right?”

Robert’s heart stops, Aaron is biting the barest hint of his lip and is exuding coy like he’s a 1940s film star.

“Whenever you want me.” He can’t help that his reply is low and breathy, he suddenly feels out of breath and that he’ll never breathe right ever again in Aaron’s presence.

Aaron rubs under his nose like he’s sniffing and then nods, a veneer of professionalism back in place. Robert almost wishes that they didn’t have this increasingly magnetic push pull between them, that it was one or the other, but he never wants to risk not having that possibility with him.

Robert decides to be bold, “Aaron…”

His text alert beeps and Aaron raises an eyebrow like he expects Robert to get it, so he does.

 **You shouldn’t have gone back there. It’s not safe**.

Robert deflates and Aaron’s eyes flick over him.

“Ya alright?” He asks.

“Mmm, yeah. Nothing to worry about now. Sorry, but I really need to go now.” Robert gestures to the toilets and Aaron nods, moving aside so that Robert can get past him. It’s only when he does that Aaron drops his hand and lets their fingers brush as Robert passes. It’s barely a moment and it’s over before he knew it happened, but Robert feels it in how his heart speeds up. The electricity that seemed to transfer from Aaron’s body to his. He looks back, but Aaron is already heading back behind the bar to help serve. He’s probably going to get royally screwed by this, but he doesn’t care.

 

 **Fuck safe, and fuck you for helping him**.

Robert texts after he’s washed his hands and sorted himself out. His life is on the up now. He’s going to get past all this and he’s gonna be okay. He is. He goes and enjoys his evening with his sister, and by extension, Adam, while managing to keep his lingering looks on Aaron to a minimum. Turns out, barman is just as good a look as sweaty athlete is on him. He smiles a lot more as he sees people he knows, odd members of his family, and the local vet for some reason. It’s like getting a glimpse into a mirror at a world he’s never seen and he just _wants_ to be a part of it.

Aaron catches his eye at one point and raises the pint he’s been nursing towards him and Robert returns the gesture.

He feels vibrations against his thigh.

 **I didn’t have a choice. You did**.

Robert looks from his phone to Aaron. Still smiling. Still happy. How is a man like that ever going to understand Robert, or what he did? He won’t. He can’t.

Victoria keeps him in the conversation, but she sees him slowly withdrawing before she slaps her thighs: “Right, off to bed with you, you look exhausted. All that driving around today, you look like you could do with a kip.”

He can’t argue with that. A wave of tiredness and regret has hit him hard. He kisses her cheek and shakes Adam’s hand, the best he’s going to give with regards to a blessing, and he waves to Aaron before he leaves.

It’s when he gets into his car that his phone beeps again and he tilts his head back on his head rest, squeezing his eyes shut before opening them again.

***eyes emoji* fwd 2 tmrrw’s sesh :)**

_Aaron_.

He laughs. His text speak doesn’t surprise him, but what does is the tears that well up in the back of Robert’s eyes at reading it.

Aaron is so much better than all this.

And Robert doesn’t care. He looks at Aaron and he wants and he’s sick of fighting it. He’s going to ask him out. _Tomorrow_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The water is clearing a bit as to what is going on, but it's far from over! 
> 
> ([tumblr](https://thesnowyswan.tumblr.com))


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then he worries that maybe he’s giving Aaron a hero complex and it isn’t really that deep.

Robert’s training session can’t come soon enough. He feels horribly conflicted about it, about the possibility of dragging a good man down, but there’s nothing to even say that Aaron is interested. Or so he tries to reason with himself as he flips between possibly asking Aaron out and just living with the intense desire to kiss him every time he sees his face.

He’s grasping at very shitty straws, he knows. He got another text this morning, one that hit the target and cracked him open inside.

**I’m the only one who truly cares. Do you see anyone else trying?**

Aaron did. Aaron cared when Robert had lost his cool at the pub and stormed out like he could outrun his problems on sheer speed alone. He was kind and generous and he didn’t drop Robert in it when it was so easy to do.

Then he worries that maybe he’s giving Aaron a hero complex and it isn’t really that deep.

**It’s not your problem. I’m done. How many more times can I say it?**

Aaron is already waiting for him when he runs up from the changing room, his eyebrows raise when he sees Robert, “Ya alright, mate?”

It’s such a change from even last week, some invisible barrier between them has been crossed and they just slip into this new place. Sort of like almost something, but also like friends.

“Not bad, not bad. Yourself?”

Aaron nods, again circling with his finger, “You run, I’ll talk.”

 

 

Robert does run, then he sweats, and he stretches, and he works so hard that his legs shake from his blood sugar dropping through the floor. Aaron gets him a Lucozade from the fridge downstairs and they take a minute while it works.

“So, how long you been doing this?” Robert asks causally, Aaron leaning against the wall next to him as they both sit on the floor.

“What feels like me whole life. About 17 years since I started training though. Professional at 15, big ring fights at 18, teaching at 23. Not a long story really.”

Robert catches Aaron’s profile out the corner of his eye. He’s sipping on a water, his throat tensing as he swallows the liquid, and Robert can’t help but wonder what kind of scrap Aaron would have been like with all that skill hidden inside his body when most kids are raring up and mucking about.

“Interesting one though.” Robert nudges him and Aaron smiles in spite of himself. He slaps Robert’s knee and makes him stand up.

“Come on, last push and then you can go home.”

Robert smiles, but he could just as easily stay here and learn all the secret things he can about Aaron Dingle.

 

 

Aaron gets him to hold a long-armed plank as their last exercise, only his back is dipping, so Aaron’s hand comes up under him to press him back up, which is fine until Robert goes too high and Aaron pushes gently on the bottom of his back. Robert collapses immediately and rolls away.

There’s a moment where Robert tries to get his heart under control, Aaron is the first person who isn’t a doctor or his sister who has touched his back since the attack. Aaron looks at him with confusion.

“If you’re hurt, we can modify the exercises, Robert, but if you don’t tell me I can’t help.”

He wants to say it’s nothing, that he’s fine, but nothing will come out. Aaron takes his silence wrong and stands up, eyes looking up to the ceiling, “It’s always hot and cold with you. I never know where I stand.”

Robert gets up, his legs a little shaky and he knows he has to stop doing this, has to stop taking Aaron by surprise, but it’s the only way he knows how to express how he feels. He ducks his head and presses his lips against his. He feels the air displace as Aaron’s hands come up to almost touch his elbows before he grasps them. Robert slips his hands around Aaron’s waist and pulls him in, letting his mouth open up and draw Aaron out, so that when he follows, his lips catching on Robert’s, it’s him deciding that he wants to deepen the kiss. Robert sighs happily as Aaron licks into his mouth, curling his tongue behind Robert’s teeth because he wants to taste everything. His fingers tighten against Aaron’s skin and they end up flush, gently grazing each other as they kiss. Aaron is the one who pulls away first, his mouth gentling over Robert’s before he kisses him softly once and breathes into the space between them.

“Come over for a drink,” Robert presses, his nose brushing Aaron’s, drags his lips over his, not kissing, but reminding him he’s there. “Please. I wanna get to know you.”

Aaron looks so soft and ready with his kiss swollen lips and the warmth in his eyes, Robert can’t help but feel like everything hinges on this moment, on Aaron making the choice that Robert is worth getting to know too.

“Okay. We’ll have a beer. I’m not free till late Friday though.”

The sane thing to do is to pick up his stuff and leave, but Aaron doesn’t move, so neither does he. They naturally sway in sync as they lean back into another kiss, Aaron’s hands running through Robert’s hair before he holds it tightly, trapping Robert’s head against his mouth. He pulls a little so that Robert comes away with a low gasp and his mouth in an ‘o’. Aaron’s eyes flick to his lips and then back up. His tongue swipes his bottom lip and Robert doesn’t know how he’s going to get out of this. He wants so badly that Aaron has to swallow his moans when his lips crash down on Robert’s and he walks them back towards the wall, his hands protecting Robert’s head as the cool brick touches Robert’s heated skin. One of Aaron’s hands lets go of his hair, their mouths finally parting, and slides it up under Robert’s vest, just pressing on his belly. Robert tries to get him to move closer with his own hands, but Aaron holds him firmly.

“ _Yeah?_ ”

It’s loaded with promise. Not now, but soon. This isn’t over. Robert nods and tries to get himself under control, he’s still tingling as Aaron slowly lets him go with grazing touches as his hands leave Robert’s body.

“See ya Friday, Robert.” Aaron leaves him leaning on the wall as he goes down the stairs to give them both a little space.

“Bye Aaron.” Robert says to the room, only feeling the chill of his own sweat now that there is an absence of Aaron’s heat. He touches his back where Aaron did, and he can feel his scar, one of the few lasting physical reminders he has of that night. More than anything else it feels like Robert’s weak point. Sometimes he thinks he imagines it to be slightly cooler than the rest of his skin, so he pokes it and the skin next to it often to see if it’s true. He supposes that he isn’t the best person to know the ins and outs of something like that.

He does know this: he dropped because when Aaron touched him there, he felt warm.

 

 

Zoe picks up the difference on their Facetime meeting, “What’s up with you?”

Robert blinks as he looks up from his paperwork, “What do you mean?”

She taps her pen against the desk before she uses it to gesture to what he assumes is all of him on her screen.

“You’ve been weird the last week or so. I thought it was the stress of all this, but…no. Did—did you guys get back together?”

Robert feels ice in his veins, “ _No_.”

Sometimes Robert wonders if telling Zoe _everything_ was the best idea, but she looks at him with such concern that he can’t help but feel a deep gratitude.

“There’s…someone else. Maybe.”

“Someone new?” Her voice is hopeful.

He nods, “I don’t know. We can’t even really seem to figure out if we like each other.”

She gives him a funny look.

“I’m not good at expressing myself.” He admits. “It’s like I can’t get off the ground anymore.”

Robert watches Zoe’s face soften, and then he decides to make the bravest step he’s ever made.

“He’s just so strong. And steady. Everything I’m not.”

In theory, she knew. Robert had told her that he had dated men, had her sort out things he should have never asked her to, but they had never really crossed that bridge until after the fact. It was something Robert did behind closed doors and in secret rooms that no one but they knew about. It was definitely never something where he shared his prospective hesitations about being good enough for a man.

He almost doesn’t want to look to see her reaction, but she waits until he looks back up and she smiles.

“Robert, I’ve known you awhile and I’ve never seen you so twisted up. Not even—”

 _Not even when he was bleeding on the floor_.

She stops, reconsiders for a moment and Robert finds himself hanging and waiting for whatever she’s about to say.

“You’re a different person now. I think he’d be lucky to get to know you. I know I am.”

“Is that why you’re helping me?”

“I’m helping you because what was done to you was inhumane. Let them, _him_ , get what they deserve.” Her forehead wrinkles into a frown as she shuffles her papers around before she looks at him when he doesn’t speak, “Well, are you going to tell me his name?”

Robert smiles.

“No. Not till I know for sure.”

“Know what?”

He doesn’t actually know. He just knows that he finds that he is both freed and weighed down by the feeling in his chest that he gets when he thinks about Aaron.

“Whether I know how to do this right.”

“You do, Robert, you do. You just got mixed up is all.” Zoe’s smile is soft as she attempts to be reassuring. They don’t talk about Aaron again for the rest of their meeting, but when they sign off, Robert tells her, “You and Paul should come up for a drink one evening. I can show you where I’m from.”

“See, Mr Sugden, you do know how to be a real boy after all. Given everything that’s going on I’m sure Paul would love to chat to you.”

“Excellent, have your people call my people.” They both laugh at the joke and Zoe gives him a little wave before she cuts out.

 

Robert stays in his office for a little while, staring at his phone, before he swipes it open and calls that dreaded number.

There is a wait while it rings and the voice at the end sounds panicked yet relieved when they answer, “Hiya.”

He’s blunt and to the point: “This isn’t a social call. The texts have to stop, the vague insinuations stop, it all stops. You understand me?”

“Robert, please, I know I hurt—”

“Hurt me? You stabbed me in the back so that he could stomp on it. Was it worth it? Did the money console you when I found out what you had done? I think you probably believe your own lies that you love me, but you don’t.”

“You think I didn’t try to stop it? I did, Rob. I stood right in front of him and tried to make him see reason, but he wouldn’t.”

“Love isn’t standing there trying to stop it, Connor. It’s being better for each other so that you were never there in the first place. I didn’t make you better, not in any way that counts, and you sure as hell didn’t change me.”

Connor lashes back on instinct, “See, you think you’re so above it, Robert, but you’re not. You’re just as bad as he is.”

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe almost bleeding out on my own living floor isn’t what makes me. I guess we’ll find out if you ever contact me again and if I ever go to the police to tell them what a real whore you are. For him, and for me.”

He disconnects the line and feels the ugliness in his heart spread a little further. War is war and Robert suffered a near fatal blow when he was attacked, but that was only one battle. The next round is on him and he’s going to be ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another layer to the plot! Only 8392874 to go. 
> 
> No new chapter until 8th just because I need to get writing for the Robron Christmas Calendar and I have said it more times than I have ever done anything about it, so I need to check myself before I wreck myself.


	6. Chapter 5 (a)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He thinks about Aaron and how honest he is in his life and he decides he wants that. Out with the old, in with the new.
> 
> Part 1 of the infamous date.

The drag to Friday is frankly ridiculous. Robert barely listens to Victoria when she comes over on Wednesday, her helicopter mothering ramping up a notch each time he doesn’t admit that he’s waiting on a hot date with Aaron. It’s only a couple of days, but it feels like a lifetime.

“Robert, are you sure you’re alright?” She asks him as she pours the frothy milk in for his latte – she thinks he drinks too much black coffee as it is – and he nods. He knows she’s worried about how he’s feeling, but that really isn’t the problem. The problem is he’s giddy. Aaron doesn’t know the first thing about him, so he has no perceptions of him beyond what Robert can guide. He hasn’t lied to Aaron, but he isn’t exactly broadcasting his attempts at blackmail either. He just wants for this to go well and for there to be _more_ between them. Especially when his kisses are so diverting.

“Robert.”

And he’s been gone again. He shakes his head and smiles, “Vic, you worry too much. You’ll go grey before I do at this rate.”

“Like you’ll go grey, you’ve already picked out your stylist who will dye it from now until eternity.”

He pretends to show offence, “I have no idea what you mean.”

Vic looks at him, soft and too real for his comfort, “Sometimes it’s okay to let people see you, Rob.”

He shovels a pancake into his mouth so that he doesn’t have to answer that, but it sits on him for the rest of the day like a lead weight. Robert knows how to fake real like a pro, but being real isn’t something he’s ever been inclined to do.

He thinks about Aaron and how honest he is in his life and he decides he wants that. Out with the old, in with the new.

 

 

It doesn’t work as well as he’d hoped because he’s already swerving phone calls at the office by 2pm.

Zoe eyeballs the desk phone like it has the plague and looks up at Robert plaintively, “You have to answer some of those.”

“Do I?” He’s feeling petulant that he has to do any work at all that will foster Lawrence White’s empire.

Files drop heavily on his desk, and Robert looks up abruptly as Zoe leans on them, “Eyes on the prize, Mr Sugden.”

Right. _Dismantle the empire from the inside out. Pull the thread and watch it turn into a noose_.

“Sorry, I’m a little distracted.” _Again_.

Zoe huffs, “You don’t say.”

She picks up her coffee cup from the side and takes a sip before she leans against Robert’s desk, crossing her ankles as she does so, “Anything to do with your new man?”

Robert flicks his eyes to the door, but no one’s there and he lets his body breathe when he realises.

“Maybe.”

Cup back down, Zoe picks up her pile, “Right, well, stop thinking about your dick and start thinking about your work.”

Never once in the whole time they’ve worked together has she ever said anything like that to him, he immediate goes to scold her, but he laughs instead.

“You think you’re so funny. I still pay your wages.” He throws back at her and Zoe waves at him as she leaves. Robert realises having her for a partner is going to be a more trying experience than he first assumed. It does kick his arse in to touch though, he grabs the Zimmerman file and starts working on his pitch. You can’t ruin a dynasty without poking at least a few holes. _Right?_

 

 

Friday finally arrives, and Aaron texts him to remind him about their session. He’ll be there at 7 like usual, leave, Aaron taking the ladies class before he comes back to Robert’s for that beer. It works well for them both and Robert is practically buzzing until he arrives at the dojo and his stomach just drops with anxiety. Maybe it won’t work, maybe it’s better as this fizzy attraction and want than an actual thing. He isn’t even _out_.

But Aaron meets him downstairs with a knowing smile, knowing exactly what it’s like when they kiss, and Robert throws his reservations out with the bath water.

“So, roundhouse kicks.” Aaron starts after putting Robert through another disgusting warm up. Crab walks are for messing around on the beach, not as a fitness exercise. He complains as much, and Aaron just claps his hands together because he could not give a shit. Robert takes it back, he doesn’t want to date Aaron, he’s a masochist in disguise. Still, he gets up and sorts himself out so he’s in his stance.

Aaron turns his right leg so that his foot is completely behind himself and rotates while picking up his left knee, turning it over, and kicking from the heel of his bum. “It’s a snapping strike for the body and the head, I doubt you’ll have head flexibility to start with, so aim for the space between my elbow and my hip.”

He puts the pads down where he wants Robert to hit and he tries once and wobbles so much that he doesn’t even get to stretch his leg out for the kick.

“Maybe don’t turn your foot so far, it opens up the hips, but if you don’t have the balance it will never work.” Aaron gestures to his legs. Robert nods and tries again, turning his right foot, maybe 90 degrees. He gets his knee up and he kicks out.

He feels a sense of pride and accomplishment to have done it and Aaron is grinning at him, “Nice one.”

That sparks something too. A little space inside his heart where he looks for approval from Aaron too. He’s still smiling when he gets Robert to go again. They do this on the opposite, back leg, too, and that’s much harder and when he gets it, the urge to kiss Aaron is overwhelming. Aaron, himself, looks at the floor like he’s thinking the same thing and the session seems to stretch after that. Every moment is another where they aren’t spending time on whatever _this_ is between them.

Aaron finishes a little early with another couple of ab exercises, ones where Robert lies on his back and that’s much easier. They don’t talk about his freak out on Tuesday, but it means a lot that Aaron thought to try this with him for no other reason than he knew Robert wasn’t comfortable with the way that it was. They both stand up and Robert sticks his hand out to shake Aaron’s hand goodbye. He grips it firmly and everything takes a turn for the hotter, Aaron staring him down with an open, smug look, and Robert can’t help but respond to it, swaying as he says his goodbye.

“See you in a bit.”

A curt nod, Aaron’s fingers squeezing his before he lets go, and Robert is at his limit.

 

 

He mostly stumbles back to his, showers, and plans to at least attempt to not to jump Aaron in the first 5 minutes he’s inside Robert’s flat. _Plans and attempt are the operative words here_ , he notes to himself as he pulls on his favourite jumper. It’s black and has elbow patches and he thinks Aaron will appreciate how tight it is. He hopes he will. He checks the time and he should be here soon. Robert opens a bottle of beer and drinks most of it during his wait and lets the warm feeling soothe his nerves because for the first time in years, he truly has them. He does mentally slap himself to get it together, but it all falls apart when his doorbell rings.

Aaron arrives at his door at about 10. Late, but they both knew that. Robert opens his door to his date in a nice shirt and a nicer pair of black jeans. He looks good, really good. He proffers a pack of bottled beer to Robert and he takes them with a grin, it’s a brand that he likes, and he’s pretty sure Vic must have mentioned it, only for Aaron to file it away later.

“Nice place,” Aaron says conversationally behind Robert as he shows him the obligatory tour of his living room and adjacent kitchen. It’s not hard to see for anyone who has eyeballs.

Robert stops and fiddles with a remote, kicking on a radio station through his TV and stops when he feels a line of heat at his back where Aaron is standing behind him.

 _Well, shit_.

Any self-control he had goes out the window when Aaron turns him back around by his elbow, his other hand coming up to the back of Robert’s neck and pulling him down for a kiss. Aaron is pressing heavily into him, his lips dragging over his when he opens his mouth, tongue licking at Robert’s lips as Robert slips his hands under Aaron’s shirt and gripping tightly onto the muscles at his waist.

It falls apart from there.

Aaron shoves at his jumper, throwing it off when he gets it over Robert’s head, and Aaron’s shirt makes a great floor cushion for when Robert lays him out on it, allowing him to hold Robert in the space between his thighs before he tugs roughly at Robert’s jeans. Robert makes short work of getting Aaron’s to his thighs, and there is a moment of calm when they get their hands inside each other’s pants and they breath against each other’s mouths as they stroke heated skin. Aaron pulls on him for another kiss and Robert trembles against the slickness of his mouth, his body pulling tight like a bowstring.

“Come on, that’s it.” Aaron encourages against his mouth as Robert feels the tension bleed out of him as he spurts come on Aaron’s stomach and jeans. He makes his fist tighter as he works Aaron, Aaron’s feet firmly planted into the wooden floor as he holds Robert’s bicep in one hand until he finally spills up and over himself, his eyes screwed shut and panting heavily as he comes down. Robert lets him go with a shake and lies down on his back next to him as they both try to catch their breath.

Aaron rolls onto his side and cups Robert’s cheek and they both lean into the kiss, “Just so it was out of the way.”

Robert laughs. It’s true. He feels a lot calmer now, but still, he trails his fingers in their shared come on Aaron’s stomach and watches as Aaron wrinkles his nose.

“Better get you cleaned up, fancy a curry?” He asks as he grabs a tea towel off the side.

Aaron wipes himself, pulling everything back up, but not buttoning anything, and Robert finds that entirely too distracting. Aaron throws the towel at him and he automatically catches it, until he remembers what it is and drops it.

This time, Aaron laughs at him, “Go on, I fancy a spicy one.”

 

 

Robert puts through their curry order on Just Eat and offers Aaron one of those beers out of his fridge, “One of yours? Or a can?”

Aaron looks up at him as he rearranges the blanket Robert gave him over himself, “You have both?”

Robert pulls out two bottles of his own cold stash and uncaps them with his bottle opener. He leans down over the back of the sofa where Aaron’s sitting and gives him another kiss as he hands him the bottle.

“I have lots of things.”

Aaron rolls his eyes and takes the bottle, swigging from it before lifting up the blanket for Robert to get back under. “You just want to be a poncy European.”

Robert laughs, “What do Europeans have to do with it?”

“Well, I lived in France, didn’t I?” Aaron drinks again and accepts Robert’s gaze as he looks him over.

“Always a surprise.”

“I’m not a complete pleb.”

To hear that come out of Aaron’s mouth is worth its weight in gold, Robert pulls his lips together to try and hold it in, but he laughs deeply and from his belly, Aaron shoving him when it doesn’t stop after an appropriate amount of time.

“You’re a right bellend, I see it now,” Aaron jokes, and Robert smiles smugly.

“Oh no, it’s all special just for you.”

“All for me?” Aaron bites his bottom lip and Robert can see exactly where this is headed. He thinks he was right to be giddy, Aaron is _great_ , and being with him is easy as breathing.

Robert slides over so that he’s moving to sit on Aaron’s lap, Aaron rubbing at his thighs as he sits down, “If not, something can be arranged.”

Aaron hums affirmatively and sucks a kiss on Robert’s chest, bites at his skin while Robert holds the back of his head. His phone goes, and he tries to ignore it, but Aaron once again, taps his back pocket where his phone is.

“Could be important.” Aaron tells him, and he sighs frustratedly.

“Could be Vic asking me if I’ve got whipping cream.”

Aaron covers his face while he snorts, and Robert looks at his phone:

**Who’s the guy?**

Aaron kisses his belly and rubs it gently as Robert feels ice dripping down his spine.

**Such a shame if he knew who you really are.**

“Robert?”

He looks down at Aaron with his warm, open face, and he feels sick again. Fear hits him like a ton of bricks and he rolls off Aaron and leaves him cold on the settee.

“Y’alright? Do you need me to go?”

Robert makes a choice. He thinks that it might end up being the wrong one, but he does it anyway.

“No. It was just a shock is all. A mate being a dick, actually. You stay. I want you here.” He pulls Aaron to him and sucks a purpling hickey on his neck, not letting him wriggle away when he tries.

Robert was here. He mattered. He won’t hide, not again.

 


	7. Chapter 5 (b)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The curry arrives not long after and they sit on the floor with their food on Robert’s low coffee table, eating with forks and naan bread made spoons.
> 
> Part 2 of the Infamous Date. To make up for being late.

They manage to get over the bump of the texts pretty well. The curry arrives not long after and they sit on the floor with their food on Robert’s low coffee table, eating with forks and naan bread made spoons. Aaron does really well with his ‘spicy’ curry, not needing anything more than his beer, and Robert has always been partial to a midway Rogan Josh that is slick with sauce. Aaron even swipes some of it into Robert’s mouth on his thumb, and Robert wants to pack it all in and go to bed, but he perseveres.

“So how come you left the village?” Aaron asks as he scoops up some rice.

“A friend of mine died and my family never really recovered.” He doesn’t want to talk about Max and his focus on his plate means that Aaron eats his mouthful before he changes tact.

“But you came back.”

Robert really isn’t sure that’s better, but he goes with it. “Yeah, I had an accident. Well, I was robbed and accidentally caught in the crossfire.”

The files that were stolen were back-ups anyway, not containing all the information for that reason.

Aaron puts down his plate and rubs Robert’s folded knee where he’s cross legged.

“It brought me and Vic closer together again. So, I’m grateful for that.” He smiles wanly and picking up his beer for a big gulp.

Robert has been watching Aaron, and he’s starting to learn little things about him. Like how he looks down when he’s nervous, he won’t touch until he knows he’s absolutely welcomed to do it and he bites his lip when he’s thinking about sex. Robert can’t help but stare as he licks his bottom lip before tucking it between his teeth.

He puts down his beer, gets up on his knees and leans over to kiss Aaron’s mouth. Aaron catches his face in his hands, holding his jaw as they slot against each other, their noses bumping before they get it completely right. Aaron’s beard scratches at the skin around his lips and he finds he likes it, the soft burn of it when they part again. Aaron cocks his head towards the hallway at the end of his living room, which he correctly assumes leads to the bedroom, and Robert nods as he moves to stand up, offering Aaron his hand.

 

 

They’re both silent as they finally face each other at the end of Robert’s bed, he has one of those low slung ones from Ikea with navy bedding, but it could be a pile of rocks for all he cares. Aaron unzips his jeans which he did back up for the very confused delivery man and pushes them, and his pants, down before kneeling to get them all the way to his ankles. He’s openly breathing on Robert when he sits back on his heels, and his mouth is impossibly hot when it finally touches Robert’s skin. Robert can’t help but cup the back of Aaron’s head to guide him, his fingers catching in soft curls as his knees weaken and he bends over him. Aaron lets him go, standing up and kissing him as he does, his fingers still walking over hot flesh and Robert whimpers as he pushes his hands down the back of Aaron’s pants.

Aaron doesn’t fair much better when Robert kicks off his jeans and pulls Aaron’s off one leg at a time before he swallows him down, nose pressing against his skin before sliding off.

“Jesus, Robert.” It’s not something he does with every guy, or even most of them, but he wants to impress Aaron, to take him apart with wet kisses and things he’ll only ever remember Robert doing. Aaron presses inside his mouth when he nods, his fingers tracing Robert’s cheeks as he slowly thrusts his hips. Robert catches himself and strokes gently with Aaron’s movements until he pulls away with a jerk, almost catching himself on Robert’s teeth in his haste.

“Get up here.” Aaron tells him before he plunders his mouth with his tongue, trying to taste himself inside, if Robert had to guess. Still, he feels bowled over by it, barely hanging onto where he’s wrapped his arms around Aaron’s shoulders, Aaron driving their kiss, giving and taking from Robert with thickening desire. They part with heavy breaths and Robert feels unsteady as Aaron nudges his nose with his own, “Do you have—?”

Robert nods, letting go to get what they need from his drawer. Aaron lies himself on the middle of Robert’s bed, his hand working himself over after he’s tucked a pillow under his hips and it’s the best thing Robert has ever seen. He even spreads his legs, one straight, one knee bent, when Robert kneels at the end of the bed and it gets Robert’s heart to kick up a notch, his mouth drying up, in response.

Aaron looks at him defiantly when Robert pushes at his knee and his leg to make sure there is enough room for him between Aaron’s legs. There is, of course there is, but Aaron tilts his chin up like he’s not ready to concede defeat, but his expression slackens when Robert rubs against him with wet fingers. Then he bites his lip again, curling his hips down and moaning softly as his hands fist the sheets. Robert keeps one hand stroking him as he slips inside, his own body twitching at the feeling of heat as he eases Aaron through getting two, then three because he can, fingers inside him.

Robert stops when Aaron grabs his wrist and pushes at him, he slides his fingers out and rolls a condom down before he leans over Aaron for another short kiss.

“D’you want to?” He asks, it seems a bit redundant now, but Aaron looks up at him with clear eyes and nods, his lips parting as he extends himself to reach Robert’s mouth for a kiss. Robert bounces Aaron up a bit so they’re more in line as he slowly presses into his body. Aaron pulls his lips into his mouth again and grips Robert’s wrists where they hold him up over him. Everything is hot and tight, and grasping him so impossibly well, so Robert has to stop and let them both adjust.

Aaron nods again, and Robert starts to push forward, and then pulling back to both of their drawn in breaths. He stays slow at first, lets Aaron loosen up around him before he starts to thrust in earnest, hooking his arm under Aaron’s bent knee, the other drawing up on reflex as he forces pleasure into both of them with his movements. Aaron’s hands move to clutch at his waist and Robert can feel sweat start to bead at his hairline.

“Is it good?” He pants, and Aaron digs his fingers in and hisses.

“Yeah, fuck. Yeah.”

Aaron’s moans are steady and Robert leans down to barely catch his nipple, biting it gently and that sends him into a tailspin, his hand moving to jerk himself, the other now bracing against the side of Robert’s neck, thumb pressing on the line of his jaw and cheek. He paints his belly and chest with more come and a soft cry, and his tightening body drags Robert’s orgasm from him with an almost violent force as he shudders and shakes, everything tingling and pooling hotly in the base of his spine.

Robert holds the condom as he pulls out from Aaron’s body, tying it off and chucking it in the bin in the corner. Aaron welcomes him to lie back down on him, both of them wilfully ignorant of the slick fluid sticking them together. Robert slowly kisses Aaron, tries to pour all the affection he feels into that one touch of lips in an effort to make it different from all the others. Aaron smiles against him and he softly presses one short kiss and then another on Robert’s mouth.

 

 

They fall asleep like that until a gentle shake wakes Robert up, him opening one eye blearily at the still mostly dark morning.

“Wha—?”

Aaron laughs at him, “I’ve got work, I can’t go crusted in come.”

Robert rubs his head and his mouth feels like sandpaper, “The shower is through that door, towels are on the rack. The new toothbrush is blue.”

“Thanks.” Aaron kisses his forehead and Robert manages to wake up enough to appreciate his naked arse as it leaves his bed. His skin does feel gross though as he grabs last night’s pants and pulls them on with no small amount of disgust, but he needs to put the filter on. He stares at it for a long moment and sighs. It is far too complicated for this time of the morning.

Aaron must be a speed demon because Robert is just taking his first sip of black coffee when he’s popped back out with adorably cute wet curls and is looking for his shirt. Robert has draped it on the back of the sofa and he slips it on, leaving it open while he comes over to the kitchen.

Robert nudges the pot and a cup towards him and he smiles, “Not a morning person then?”

“Mornings, yes, middle of the night, no.”

He pours half a cup in before he asks, “Sugar?”

Robert grabs the pot, sliding it over with the spoon he stirred his with and gets the milk out from the fridge to put on the island. “I tend to forget as I like it black.”

Aaron pours a healthy splash in and slides it back before stirring it all in, “No harm done.”

It should feel awkward, this ‘we had sex maybe 10 feet from here and now we’re supposed to pretend we didn’t’ thing, but it doesn’t. Aaron is still checking him out like he doesn’t have half of his hair sticking up, he knows he has, he can feel it, and he’s entirely too into Aaron’s abs that are unfairly visible despite the salty curry last night.

“I wish I could stay,” Aaron sighs as he takes a gulp, ignoring the heat.  He steps over to where Robert is, and Robert wrinkles his nose and leans back, he’s had coffee, but he hasn’t brushed his teeth. Maybe it’s a sign of Aaron’s keenness that he doesn’t care, he kisses Robert nice and slow, and of course he tastes of mint and coffee, but Robert lets himself enjoy it, moaning softly as Aaron lets him go.

“Text me later, we’ll sort something out at mine.” Aaron buttons his shirt, grabs another gulp of coffee before he leaves Robert in his kitchen thinking about the night’s, and morning’s, events. _Not bad_ , he decides as he grossly flakes a bit more come off himself. _Not bad at all_.

 

 

 

Robert showers, brushes his teeth and bums around his flat for a bit until it’s an acceptable time of day to annoyingly stalk his sister at work because normally he’s still in bed and he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

She does look particularly shocked to see him at 9 o’clock on a Saturday, but she still offers him breakfast, which he gladly takes, a fry up never going amiss.

“So, who is she?”

Robert’s stomach drops, “What?”

Vic smiles at him, “You’re all…gooey. That usually means a girl.”

“It’s not a girl.” He says automatically, and Vic doesn’t make anything of it, she just throws her hands up.

“Okay, but when you want to tell me you can.”

Robert suddenly feels like he can’t be here. Vic was right, he was happy because he’d been with Aaron, but he can’t tell her that, can he? She wouldn’t understand, not if she thinks the first sign of happiness in him is a woman.

“I’ll bear it in mind.” He tells her as he finishes his food. He won’t. He’ll try to forget that they ever had this conversation.

Vic doesn’t pick up on his discomfort and he’s happy about that. She waves him off and he decides to clear his head in the village, maybe pop to the shop for some more milk while he’s here.

He’s enjoying the crisp air when he hears someone call his name. He turns, and he honestly can’t believe it.

It’s Connor. In the village.


	8. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _[Aaron's] shown up in a wide necked red jumper and Robert hates and loves how good he looks._

Robert completely forgets that Aaron only works a couple of early hours at the dojo on a Saturday and spends the rest of the day after that serving behind the bar. He’s shown up in a wide necked red jumper and Robert hates and loves how good he looks. He’s smiling when he sees Robert, clocks Connor with a nod and carries on with taking orders.

“He know you’re not out?” Connor asks behind a sip of his beer. Robert’s been as courteous as he can be while keeping Connor out the way of Vic, but at this point he’s had enough. He clutches at his own thigh to feel the gentle stab of his nails so that he doesn’t completely lose it in front of everyone.

“He’s none of your business.” Robert feels heavy and he doesn’t want to do this here, but if he tries to push Connor, he runs the risk of him crapping all over his plans _and_ his burgeoning relationship with Aaron.

“He’s fit.”

He likes that even less. “You’re not his type.”

Robert doesn’t actually know that, but Connor shrugs, “Not my type either. I like blondes.”

 _Stab. Stab. Stab_.

“Manchester has a great night life, do one and try your luck there.” Inwardly, Robert is mentally hitting himself for letting Connor get to him, but he obviously doesn’t care as he leans in tightly to whisper to Robert.

“ _Robert_." It’s soft, intimate, like it might have been before, but it just leaves him cold now. Connor must read it on his face because he coughs and sits back up in his seat, pushing his pint away. “I think I’ll see you later.”

Robert stares him down, “Probably not.”

There’s a small sad look on his face and Robert still feels nothing. He won’t be used, not again. Connor leaves him with a squeeze of his shoulder that he tries to not openly shrug off and he doesn’t relax until he’s well out of the door and Aaron is staring at him with a soft kind of curiosity.

He closes his eyes instead and softly exhales. He’s bought himself some time, if not a lot. He finally looks back at Aaron who is fiddling on his phone.

 **Cme bk 2 mine** chimes in on his own phone. Robert raises an eyebrow and Aaron is smiling wider now, phone slipped back into his pocket like he doesn’t even need to know Robert’s answer.

He’d be right. There’s no way he’s missing out on a chance to spend time with Aaron.

 

Robert sticks around at the pub for another hour or so before Aaron manages to knock off and take him back to his place. It turns out he lives in the newly reconverted Mill. To say Robert’s place is nice, Aaron’s is stunning. It’s got a spiral staircase to upstairs, gorgeous wood panelling and glass laden doors with a mix of modern and retro accents. Robert is very impressed.

“So, am I gonna get a cup of tea with this booty call, or what?” He happily snipes at Aaron, who tells him to shut up and shoves him towards the sofa while he potters in the kitchen.

“Your ex?” Aaron starts as he flicks the kettle on.

Robert freezes a little bit. He figures it was obvious to anyone who knew what to look for and he rearranges himself so that he’s sitting down and leaning on the back of the settee, watching Aaron and the line of his back as he grabs milk out from the fridge.

“It—it didn’t end well. It was before I came back.”

Aaron turns and leans against the counter, “And you’re not out.”

He’s been expecting this, “I’m.” He can’t quite say it, but he tries again, “I’m not gay. I’m bi.”

Aaron seems to mull it over while Robert’s heart sambas inside his chest, and he finds the seam on his jeans fascinating. Aaron is the first person he’s ever said that to.

“So, you passed?”

Robert’s eyes flick up

Aaron grimaces, “Sorry, I just meant—”

“I know what you meant.” And he does. To be fair, Aaron doesn’t know his history, he’s making an honest assumption about why he’s remained secretive about his sexuality all these years. It hurts a bit, more because he feels somehow less in Aaron’s eyes.

“I wasn’t close to my family and I never met anyone that I wanted to bring home, so it didn’t matter.” Which is true enough.

“And he wasn’t onboard with that?”

“He always wanted more than I could give.”

Robert can see Aaron working out if what he wants is more than Robert can give, and part of him wants to just say no. But it’s too easy, too caught up in the new of what they have.

The kettle boils and it all gets tabled until Aaron’s sitting next to him, hot tea waiting for them on the table. Robert reaches out and touches his knee, much like Aaron did last night, as it’s folded up on the settee much the same way, and rubs it. He doesn’t know if he’s trying to soothe Aaron or just enjoy touching him for however long it lasts. His lack was going to show up sooner or later.

Aaron catches his hand and takes it off his knee, and Robert’s heart drops, until Aaron is leaning up and pressing him down length ways into the cushions. Robert grabs at him to try and get him to lay on top of him, but Aaron shakes his head, pulling at his jeans and getting them open. He pushes his hand up Robert’s shirt and holds him steady while his mouth wets him, his own knees folding up on instinct and pressing against Aaron’s arms as he bobs and draws heady pleasure out of Robert’s spine. It’s heavy and expanding as Robert grasps Aaron’s hand as he turns it over for him to hold. He twitches, and Aaron lets him slip, watches him glisten slickly as he uses his other hand to help Robert come on himself.

Luckily, he doesn’t make a huge mess, it’s on his naked belly and it wipes up with a tissue from the side table, but he’s boneless and satisfied when Aaron kisses him where he still lays from being cleaned up. He hums his pleasure against Aaron’s lips and follows him up as he sits back down. Robert slides off the sofa and walks on his knees until he pushes at Aaron’s to get him to spread for him.

“You don’t have to.” _But he wants to_.

He’s all caught up in how good it all feels, and he wants to see Aaron feel good too. He’s already thick inside his pants when Robert gets there, and he noses him, still buzzing with want in his blood, and Aaron’s fingers skate across his cheekbone then his jaw, hiking up his desire. He takes Aaron in slowly, keeping everything tight as he tries to drag his hips away, but Robert presses his fingers into his hipbones, traps him until he’s pulling at Robert’s hair and Robert cups his hand over him to catch most of the come. Aaron breathes roughly, his thighs quivering as he thumbs Robert’s lips. He licks them and Aaron curses under his breath, and they share another kiss.

Everything rearranged after that, Robert takes a sip of his tea, and it’s a bit on the wrong side of lukewarm, but he doesn’t care. It’s still good. Aaron grimaces at his though, he must like his scalding from the way he ignored the heat of the coffee this morning. It amuses Robert though, to see his face scrunch up and try to drink it anyway.

“You’re cute.” He laughs and Aaron glares at him, “Cheers.”

“Don’t worry, I’d still do ya.”

That gets an even less impressed look before Aaron smiles and squishes himself further into his seat. “You should stay round.”

Robert weighs it up. They’re definitely going to have sex again if he does, and that’s a big plus, but he’s got an intangible fear that if he doesn’t pin Connor down now all hell is going to break loose.

He thinks Aaron knows what he’s decided, his hand rubbing gently up and down Robert’s thigh. It isn’t sexual, it’s touch for the sake of touch.

“Y’know I’d rather be here.” Robert admits. It sounds big and scary to a normal person, let alone him who has never really had anything real in his life.

“Yeah, well, we can’t wear you out too much in one day, you might never recover in your old age.”

Robert stares at Aaron blankly for a second before he full on laughs and makes for a go at Aaron’s side, but his reflexes are too fast, and he cuts Robert off with hands around his wrists. He does use holding Robert’s wrists to his advantage, pulling him over to get on his lap for a soft make out session, all tongues and slick promises. Robert even grinds down when Aaron digs his fingers into the muscle of his arse, it doesn’t do much, too soon for either of them, but it just feels really good.

Eventually he has to unglue himself from Aaron’s side, but he does it under extreme duress. His mouth is raw from his beard, his tongue practically aching, and he just feels well used in the best possible way.

“I’ll call you,” Robert tells him as Aaron shows him out, one suitably soft kiss at his front door. Aaron nods, ‘mmms’ quietly, and they kiss again because they’re like magnets and Robert doesn’t know how to stop. Finally, Aaron pushes at his chest, tilts his head, “G’on.”

Robert’s smile is disgustingly wide until Aaron shakes his head, smiling too, and closes his door. As soon as it snicks shut, Robert digs out his phone and starts scrolling through his contacts.

“My place, half an hour” is all he says as the call connects. He takes a deep breath and makes his way back to his car. Hopefully the ride home will calm him because he really doesn’t know how to dissipate the anger he feels.

 _Robert, I’m sorry. I love you. Please. You have to listen to me_. _Robert—_

He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve one minute of Robert’s time, but he’s going to do it because _he_ deserves better.

And if he can use this? Well, that’s just what he’s owed.


	9. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Just let it go, Connor. It’s over.” He can’t say it plainer than that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this will be the last double post for a while, I'm trying to get ahead of myself but I just have terrible willpower when it comes to holding stuff back.

Robert has unscrewed the bottle on his whiskey and is pouring a second measure when there’s a knock at the door. There is no fizzy expectation like he had while he was waiting for Aaron, keen excitement at the prospect of his arrival. It’s just cold hard dread.

He opens it and leaves it open, walking back to his kitchen for his glass. He leaves out an empty one because it’s sad to drink alone, but if Connor had any sense he wouldn’t take it. He doesn’t. He shuts the door and follows Robert round, pouring and draining the good measure to even up with Robert for that second one.

Robert leans on the back of his settee and watches Connor fuss over screwing the cap back on and generally avoiding his gaze and he lets his irritation rise.

“Nothing to actually say then,” He starts, and Connor looks up at him, startled by the sound of his voice.

“I just—" Connor steps towards him and Robert holds his index finger up to warn him off from coming closer. “Robert, please.”

“You keep saying that like it means something. It doesn’t.” He sips his drink angrily, it sloshing around in his glass as he brings it down to balance on his thigh. “Just say it and get out.”

Connor ignores all Robert’s warning signs, leaves his glass on the island and cups his face. Robert’s nose twitches as he tries to pull away, but Connor won’t let him.

“ _I love you_.”

“You’re a liar,” Robert counters, Connor stumbling as he pulls almost far back enough to fall over his settee, but doesn’t. “You’re paid to be a liar.”

“It was real, what we had was real.” He looks so sure of himself and Robert feels empty. He can’t even summon up an ounce of pity.

Connor lets him go with his hands, only he can’t help but lean into Robert like they’re in an almost kiss. Robert almost lets it happen, just to watch him crumble, but he isn’t that cruel. He turns his cheek and Connor bumps it, taking it for what it is and presses his lips softly there.

“I want to live my life.” Robert tells him, starkly, honestly, “Just _go_. Please.”

“With him? Aaron?” Connor asks as he sits back, taking Robert’s glass from him. He doesn’t fight it, he just folds his arms instead.

“Aaron isn’t a part of this.”

“No, but you stay with him, he will be.”

For a split second, he almost sees it. The pain Connor thinks he’s carrying around because he hurt Robert. It’s only for himself though. For what _he_ lost.

He stands up, brushes down his jeans to rid himself of imaginary lint before he looks at Connor, straight in the face, “He won’t.”

 _Because I won’t let him be_.

“You’re a fool then.” Connor drains that glass and shakes it, asking if Robert wants one and he cautiously nods. _Fine_. “You think you’re getting out, but he isn’t even half done with you.”

His heart pounds _; how much does Connor actually know? And how much is just posturing?_

“I thought I was out.” He sighs, “But then came _you_.”

“Well, excuse me if I don’t cry into my cornflakes, yeah?” Robert grabs his glass back and pours his own drink. “You could have come clean anytime. A year, Connor. A year.”

Tears slip down his face and he wipes them angrily, “ _I’m sorry_.”

“It’s not good enough.”

“And he is.”

 _The answer is yes._ Robert sees now what this is about. Connor thought he had a chance, a way in with what he knew, but none of that matters now that there’s Aaron.

“It was over before Aaron.” He tells him, wills him to listen. “You can’t believe I’d ever take you back after what you did.”

He hoped, and Robert can see it. He hoped that there was enough love between them that Robert would have forgiven it. If he just waited, nudged him in the right direction. But the truth is Robert never loved him, he wasn’t capable of it. He never could now that it’s all said and done.

“Please.” _Don’t leave me_.

Now he feels pity. Used and spat out for another man’s end, Connor is just a sad man looking for what they all want, someone to give a damn. He still isn’t expecting it when Connor nudges up under his nose and kisses him, pressing tightly against his mouth. Robert pushes back automatically before his brain engages and he drags himself away.

“Don’t.”

“You want to.”

“I don’t.”

Robert tries not to feel repulsed by Connor grabbing at his waist when it had felt so different when Aaron did it. Aaron wasn’t trying to beguile him or sell him anything, he wanted, pure and simple. He wanted _Robert_. He pushes Connor’s hand away and he moves off, putting some distance between them.

“Just let it go, Connor. It’s over.” He can’t say it plainer than that.

 

 _Robert, I’m sorry. I love you. Please. You have to listen to me_. _Robert—_

_“I know what he paid me to do, but I didn’t want to, and then I was in it and it was too late. And you, you were so good to me, I couldn’t let that go.”_

_Robert can’t believe it. Everything he risked was for nothing, for a lie sold to him by that bastard._

_“Get out._ Get out!”

 _Everything is in pieces. Robert has been seeing a man for a year; fucking, sucking and sharing a bed, enjoying that part of himself for the first time in his adult life and his_ boyfriend _is a paid whore by his boss_.

_It’s not even the worst part._

_Connor leaves the door unlocked for the ‘robbers’_.

 

“He’s not done, y’know.” Connor tells him as he heads towards the door, “Not by a long shot.”

Robert feels a calm settle over the water inside him, “Neither am I.”

He also doesn’t let Connor go without a parting shot, “Never darken my door again, y’hear? ‘Cause I’ll throw you in with him for what you did to me. That’s the token of my _affection_.”

Robert doesn’t think for a second that Connor’s games and arrival have nothing to do with his return to work, and when he closes Robert’s front door, it propels him to check his files again. He has something, something big, bigger than he knows, in his possession. He just doesn’t know what yet.

There’s a buzzing as his phone vibrates on his desk. He leans up to check it: **D8 Tues? x**

He’s pent up and frustrated and even Aaron can’t break that, until Robert turns his phone over and again before texting him back: **Come round now and I’ll make it worth your while**.

 

 

Aaron shows up soon after, he must have driven by Robert’s watch, but he doesn’t care. He drags Aaron in by his coat and thrusts his tongue into his mouth and holds him there to take the kiss by his arms. Slowly, Robert walks him back so that he ends up trapped between Robert’s body and the wall next to Robert’s front door, as he forces his leg between Aaron’s two, letting him ride down on it when Robert shoves his hand down the front of his trousers.

Aaron groans and sighs, biting his lip as he unzips his own jacket, pulling at Robert’s shirt as Robert rubs him off inside his trackies. He thumps his head against the wall and opens his eyes, his mouth parted with hitching breaths, and Robert wants it, he wants Aaron to fall apart, to give him that honesty he has in spades. He whines in his throat and pushes at Robert’s wrist, but Robert doesn’t ease up, he thumbs the hot skin and welcomes Aaron’s fingers digging into his shoulder as he tips over the edge, soaking inside of his clothes with his release. He shakes a little and Robert drops his forehead to rest against Aaron’s as he tries to come down, Robert still stroking his thumb over him.

“Are you okay?” He asks, his hands stroking Robert’s arms.

Robert shakes his head, “No.”

Aaron nods and cups his face, gentling a kiss over his mouth as he leads Robert to his room with a warm hand. He sits Robert down and they take off his shirt together, Robert undoes his jeans while Aaron takes off his clothes, Robert guiding him to where he keeps his comfy clothes, before changing into something clean. Aaron lays himself down on Robert’s bed and pulls Robert so that he’s resting his head on Aaron’s chest, his fingers combing through his hair.

They don’t talk about it. Robert dozes and when he wakes up he’s spooning Aaron’s back, holding his wrist in his hand as they cuddle up together. He feels embarrassed and a bit ashamed, but Aaron doesn’t look at him any differently when he turns over, woken up by Robert’s fidgeting.

“Feel better now?”

Robert nods, “Yeah.”

“Good.”

Aaron’s hands are hot as they slide over him, and he gets Robert to press him into the bed on his belly, his ankles hooked over Robert’s as he falls apart and rearranges himself to steal another piece of Robert with him. He’s even still wearing his t-shirt as he folds his arms under his head, the merciless wet patch under him. Robert just feels the cavern inside his chest open and expand, light seeping in and warmth touching places it hasn’t in years. His fingers walk on Aaron’s bum and when Aaron laughs, it only gets brighter.

It’s stupid. It’s only been a day and a half since they took each other apart on Robert’s floor.

 _No_.

 _But probably_ yes.

Robert checks the time, it’s still impossibly early and he thinks about breakfast. _Breakfast_. _Vic_.

He grabs his phone out of his pocket on the floor and sends her a text warning her off, he’s got a terrible cold and Aaron is leaning on his hand, amused expression on his face when Robert gets back into bed, naked front and back on display.

“Can you stay?” Robert asks as he makes a space between Aaron’s shoulder and his neck for his face as he licks the soft skin there.

He shakes his head, no. “My sister is coming back today. She’s been staying at a friend’s.”

“You have a sister?” Robert perks up and leans back to look at Aaron.

“Younger, like Vic. She’s only 15 though.”

“And she lives with you.”

Aaron hums as he grabs Robert’s joggers off the floor. “Her mum is a bit naff, so she stays with me.”

 _I take care of her_. It’s written all over him. Robert rucks up the back of Aaron’s t-shirt and kisses the knobby part of his spine before stroking down.

“That’s good of you.”

He turns back around, cups the back of Robert’s head and kisses him. It’s barely a kiss, just a taste, and Robert finds himself trailing after Aaron as he pulls away.

 _How did no one find you yet?_ Robert can’t help but think as Aaron gets up to brush his teeth, dragging Robert with him. He spits and Robert brushes, bumping shoulders together at his sink.

“Think you’ve got one more in ya?”

Robert’s shower is more than big enough for two and he pushes Aaron into it before stripping him down and letting the water wash away how eager he is to touch and be touched.

 

 

A little later, Robert sends Aaron on his way with a kiss and a pat on his arse, Aaron’s shocked face completely worth it, after they’d eaten cornflakes on his settee and mostly jostled each other about to see who would spill their milk. It was neither, but Robert had enjoyed the laugh.

He isn’t expecting any visitors, but his buzzer goes, and he answers it speculatively, “Hello?”

“I knew you were fine!” Victoria collars him through the intercom.

“Jesus.” He mutters under his breath.

“I heard that!”

He buzzes her up and puts his door on the latch, so he can go and put the kettle on.

“So, how is this mysterious cold?”

He looks at his sister, confused, “What.”

“You can’t expect me to believe you beg off our breakfast date 3 hours before for a cold you don’t have and there’s no woman.”

Robert turns his back and starts putting mugs on the side.

Vic doesn’t let it drop, “Don’t ignore me, Robert, I’m just trying to take an interest in your life.”

“What? There isn’t anything to take an interest in, there’s no woman.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not.”

They stand facing each other, at loggerheads like they do over the stupidest things and Robert sighs.

“I’m not lying, Vic, there’s no woman, okay.”

 _There’s a man though, a_ really _great man_. He’s terrified. He knows he should just say the words, but he can’t.

“Robert?”

He looks down at her, the eyes he’s known her whole life, holding her in his arms as she grew, how she refused to talk because of him, how she welcomed him home after he ignored her for years.

“I’m bisexual.”

Her mouth drops open a little, but her face doesn’t change.

“There’s a guy, and I really like him. But please don’t tell anyone. I’m not—I’m not ready.”

The kettle goes, and Robert turns back to it. His heart dropped in his shoes, he tries not to curl up and retreat at the silence.


	10. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _There’s a soft laugh and he disconnects. Robert puts his phone down and grabs a beer before taking the hottest shower he can stand._

“Right, well, are you going to listen to what I have to say, or are you gonna sulk?” Vic chastises him as he continues to make tea with his back to her. He can’t face her.

He manages to turn around and she’s got her arms folded, “Right. First off, I don’t care that you like blokes. And I’m glad you met someone. He have a name?”

“It’s still new, Vic.”

“But you like him.” She’s hedging, like she won’t get excited unless Robert gives her the okay.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. That’s all I need to know. Now make me another slice of French toast. Your guilt is really tasty.”

Robert can’t help his smile as the kettle boils, and he pours the water in to the mugs, offering Vic her own to deal with. She brushes past him as she grabs the milk from the fridge and the sugar pot under his arm.

“I do have questions though, like how did you know?”

Robert strains his teabag, “Are we really going to go through every crush I ever had?”

“You knew at school then?”

“Yeah, I knew at school, Vic.”

“It’s like you lived this whole other life. Well, you did I suppose.” She stirs in her milk and taps her spoon before dropping it in the sink.

“Are we going to make our whole morning about this?”

“Sue me for wanting to know what your life was actually like.” It’s got a tinge of being put out to it, so Robert caves and answers her questions while he adds cinnamon to his sugar for an extra dose of sweetness for their breakfast. When it’s said and done, it ends up being really cathartic for the both of them and he regrets not having told her sooner. He still isn’t ready to tell anyone else, but he’s told his most important person and that’s a step in the right direction. _Right?_

 

 

“I came out to Vic.” Robert announces to Zoe on Monday while they’re updating accounts and calling clients for various paperwork purposes.

“Robert! That’s brave, how did she take it?”

He sighs, “Pretty well actually. She was more confused as to why I lied than what I actually said.”

“Your sister’s a good one though, isn’t she?”

Robert nods, rubbing the edges of a casefile with one hand, “I just couldn’t keep lying to her. Not when I’m actually seeing him.”

Zoe does a little aborted movement as she looks at Robert, “What?”

Her concern is palpable: “Don’t you think you’re going a little fast? Not being funny but you just had your first date.”

She isn’t wrong. He was with Connor for a whole year and he never once mentioned it to Victoria, after one date with Aaron he’s falling over himself to come out.

“I just.” He works his jaw and twitches his nose as he tries to figure out how he wants to say this, “I feel good with him. Things are easy between us and it’s so easy to get caught up in that.”

“But it’s more than that. I needed to do it, tell Vic. She’s my sister and she deserved the truth. Even if I can’t tell her everything.” He vows that he will. When it’s over and people aren’t getting attacked in their homes, he’ll tell her everything.

 Zoe nods, biting her lip before she asks, “Do you think you could love him? Your fella?”

“Yeah.” Effortlessly. Robert could fall in love with the kind of man Aaron is tomorrow if he let himself, but Zoe’s right. Neither of them are ready for that. “After what happened with Connor, I wanted real. I left my whole life behind because it was a lie. And Aaron is the first real thing I’ve had.”

“Aaron?”

Robert laughs, “Yeah. Aaron.”

“I think you need him, Robert, he’s doing you the world of good, but please be careful.” Zoe taps her pen against her paperwork, “I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

He hums his acknowledgement and gets to answering phone calls because that’s more comfortable than cross examining the minutiae of his dating life.

 

 

Aaron leans into him for a kiss hello when he gets there for his training session on Tuesday, but Robert pulls away. His face is hurt as he asks, “What?”

“Sorry. I didn’t know whether we should or not. It’s your business.”

“It’s just us here.” Aaron squeezes his shoulder and heads up the stairs, expecting Robert to follow.

Up here is where Aaron traps Robert against the wall, his nose rubbing against his, “Better?”

He’s still hesitant and Aaron feels it, he pulls back this time, his face is a blank slate after that. Robert grabs his top and draws him in closer.

“Are we going too fast?”

“We’re having fun, aren’t we?” Aaron lets his hands hang loosely on Robert’s hips.

“I came out to my sister.”

“That’s big.”

Robert sighs, “I know, it’s just she kept asking about you, except you were a woman and I didn’t want to lie anymore. I like what we have.”

“So, we keep having it. Robert, there’s no time limit on what we’re doing.”

“You make it sound so simple.”

“It is.” Aaron leans up and kisses him gently, drawing away when Robert presses into him. “We just do what feels right.”

He lets Robert have one more go at a kiss, heavy with tongues before he shoves him off for the warm up. There’s no let up, the power jacks making a comeback to destroy Robert’s quads and ruin his arse.

“You wanna do 5 x 5s? ‘Cause we can.” Aaron tells him as he’s warming up with his leg raises.

“God, do I wanna know?”

Aaron is smirking, “Kicks, 1 to 5, 5 to 1, both sides 5 times as part of your warm up. And that’s the easy mode.”

“Who even does that?”

“Black belts, come on, standing split stretch.”

Originally Aaron had him sit on the floor for this, walking his hands front and back to spread his legs further, but now he has faith in Robert to do it standing up, straddling the lines of a square mat to keep his feet in check. It’s always worse when Aaron does it with him because he ignores all of it and just rides down until he’s doing push ups with his legs wide.

“Why are you doing ‘em?” He asks as he looks up at Robert. He doesn’t even fight it, just wobbles as much as he can on his forearms until he collapses, bending his knees quickly as to not hurt himself.

“Weak, but we’ll get you there. How d’you fancy trying fish kicks? As you’re so into 5 x 5s.”

Turns out, it’s not efficient to do a roundkick every time at speed so they do a variation call a fish kick, or a rebound, where the leg comes in at a 45-degree angle rather than a 90 one, and it should slip between the hip and the guard to connect with the body.

“Okay, now hop.”

Robert frowns, “Hop?”

“Yeah, don’t draw your kicking leg back to stance, just tap it down and hop on your standing leg.”

“Are you having me on?”

Aaron shows him what is him kicking, tapping down in front of himself, bouncing on his other leg to fling his kicking leg back up to hit again. It looks entirely too complicated and Robert isn’t even sure his body will do that.

He doesn’t get it the first few times, but he slowly starts to get the hop, but it has nowhere near the fluidity and speed Aaron has.

“Brilliant.” Aaron’s smile is wide, and Robert’s heart picks up at the sight of it. He looks down to try and control himself and Aaron slaps him on the shoulder with a pad and sends him onto the next thing. Probably better this way. Who knows what soppiness he might get into otherwise.

 

Their session ends with some work on uppercuts, it’s actually better for Robert to learn with Aaron because he’s shorter and it forces Robert to bend his knees to torque his hips properly when he drives his fist up. Aaron is very helpful when he stands behind Robert and pushes his hips in the direction he wants them to go and at what speed. Robert is biting his lip, trying not to laugh and Aaron just pffts him and slaps his pads together.

“Come on, focus.”

He does a couple, laughs a bit and Aaron lets him go because he clearly doesn’t want to fight over it.

“Sorry.” Robert apologises as he grabs his water out of his bad.

“I ain’t mad, I just know that you can do it.” Aaron drops his pads and takes a sip of his own and pops the cap back down. “So, how’s Vic with everything?”

Robert nods, “She’s okay. She just wants to talk everything to death and I’m not really sure what else I can say.”

“She’s just doing it ‘cause she loves you.”

“I know. I just wish she’d…love me less.” It feels selfish to say that after everything she’s done for him, but this. This is who he is and that has always been private. Talking about it was never a thing he thought he’d have to do.

Aaron rubs his arm and Robert smiles at the touch, “See you Friday?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

They share a chaste kiss and Robert heads out with a warm feeling in his belly because it feels _good_ to be himself.

What he certainly isn’t expecting is the police car outside his tower block when he gets home.

There’s two uniformed police officers, a man and a woman, getting out and calling to him, “Mr Sugden? We’d like to ask you a few questions about an attack on Saturday night.”

He’s confused, “Saturday? I was at home Saturday.”

“With someone?”

“Some of it, why?”

“Right, will you come to the station with us?” They gesture back to the car. He doesn’t feel like he has a choice, so he nods.

“What’s this about?” He stuffs his hand into his coat pocket, his irritation rising a little bit.

“Connor Jensen was attacked last Saturday night. We’re told he was last seen talking to you on Saturday morning in the Woolpack pub.”

“Who told you that?” He isn’t confrontational, he’s just asking.

“We can’t divulge that, Mr Sugden.” They walk him over and open the rear door of the car.

 _Anonymous tip? Not so anonymous_. Robert grits his teeth as he’s folded into the back of the police car.

As angry as he is, he has to ask, “Is Connor alright?”

“He’ll live.” The male officer tells him, but that’s all.

 

He gets one phone call, which he puts through to Vic. She’s furious for him, but it’s not like she knows the whole story. Still, she comes and picks him up in the morning when he’s angry and restless from being stuffed in a cell all night. They had nothing on him, so they couldn’t hold him, but they hoped they’d sweat something out of him if they left him in there. Tough luck.

“So, how do you know this Connor?” Vic asks as she drives him home.

“I knew ‘im from London.” He admits, “Through work. We had a falling out, but it wasn’t drastic.”

 _Lies. Lies. Lies_.

“Well, why would they think you did it?”

‘Cause he dobbed him in most likely. A bit of payback or some second phase of Lawrence’s plan. He doesn’t know.

“I don’t know, Victoria.”

She looks at him after he calls her that, it’s more how he says it than anything else. He winces, “Sorry.”

“We’ll get it sorted. We always do.” She pulls up outside and gives him a hug and a big kiss on his cheek because she knows he hates it, but it just makes him smile. His sister is a good’un, through and through. “You seeing Adam later?”

Vic ducks her head, “Yeah, he’s been hanging with Aaron and Liv all afternoon, so he said he’d come meet me after.”

His own smile softens at the mention of Aaron, “That’s good, innit?”

“Innit? I like when you remember where you came from.” Vic laughs again and shoves him towards the door.

He opens it, not before he kisses her on the forehead, “Thanks, Vic.”

“You’re welcome.”

 

He chucks his keys down and turns his phone back on. He’s got a couple of missed calls he’s not interested in, Zoe, who he’ll call tomorrow and a text from Aaron.

 **Call me**.

So, he’s heard then.

A deep breath in, he taps call on his screen.

“Hiya.”

Aaron seems so far away and Robert sighs, “Hiya.”

“Y’alright?”

“Yeah, it was a naff run around, to be honest. I wasn’t with him when it happened, I was with you.”

“You tell ‘em that?”

Robert hesitates, “No. I didn’t want to drag you into it.”

“Robert.” There’s a silence, “Thanks. I can’t do with a police investigation while I’ve got Liv. They’ll take her away.”

He feels his stomach drop. He didn’t even think of that, just himself as he sat alone in that dark cell about how he didn’t want to deal with the ramifications of people getting wind of how he may have battered his possible male ex-lover or how he was with his new lover, trying to piece something together out of the mess Connor had left behind.

So, he pretty much skates past it: “S’alright. How are you?”

Aaron laughs, “Better than you. Just hanging around with me sister and Adam. Got a new game we were trying out.”

“Any good?”

“Don’t pretend like you’re into it to get into my good books. I already had ya.”

Robert laughs and feels both lighter and heavier, “Well, that’s a weight off.”

“Is it?”

No. He feels down and gross and he wants five hot showers, but he does feel slightly less than scum now that he’s talked to Aaron.

“Almost.”

“Are you free tomorrow? We could grab a beer. Late. Mine or yours.”

“Yours? I can get a cab back, yeah?”

“Okay. I’ll see ya.”

“Yeah, you will. Bye Aaron.”

There’s a soft laugh and he disconnects. Robert puts his phone down and grabs a beer before taking the hottest shower he can stand. 


	11. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Despite everything, he’s buzzing with excitement again when he gets a cab into the village, popping into the shop for a pack of beers to take with him as he walks down to the Mill._

Robert has a shit day at work. Well, not the worst as Zoe warned him not to come in, the news of his arrest hitting the gossip pool and she has been fielding calls from a couple of board members.

“Let it cool off, Robert.”

She means _you cool off_.

“I’m not hiding, Zoe.”

She sighs, “Yeah, but you don’t know how it all happened, do you?”

He frowns, but they’re on speakerphone and she can’t actually see him, “What’d’ya mean?”

“I mean, you think Connor dobbed you in, but they implied he wasn’t even awake when they picked you up.”

 _Lawrence? Again_.

He draws in a breath and blows it out, “Okay, I’ll wait. Keep me posted?”

“Always, Boss.”

Robert stops a moment and he says, “Be careful, Zoe, I don’t—”

 _I don’t know who we can trust, and I can’t protect you like this_.

Zoe seems to understand him, she always does, “It’s a blip, Robert. We’ve been through worse. _You’ve_ been through worse. Don’t let that old windbag get another kick in.”

“Doubtful. Been taking classes, me.”

She laughs, “Too right, bring that fit fella of yours and we’ll get it sorted.”

It’s a silly idea and Robert, despite knowing that Aaron can fight, has fought, doesn’t see him in that aggressive manner. He’s just…Aaron. Likes Top Gear, gaming with his sister and helping his mum out when he can.

“I’ll see what I can do,” He jokes still. They say bye and Robert is pretty much left to twiddle his thumbs before he goes to Aaron’s.

 

 

Despite everything, he’s buzzing with excitement again when he gets a cab into the village, popping into the shop for a pack of beers to take with him as he walks down to the Mill.

Aaron opens the door and Robert can literally feel his heart speed up. He’s frankly disgusted with himself as Aaron takes the beer and gestures for him to come inside.

“Did ya eat?” Aaron asks as he pops the beer inside the fridge to cool.

Robert’s curious, so he bites, “Why, do you cook?”

“No. I did get Marlon to make a couple of burgers that are in the oven. Won’t be as good as fresh, but—”

He cuts Aaron off with a kiss, “Yes, thank you.”

“You’re daft.”

“Mmm.” Robert follows Aaron through to the kitchen where he turns the oven on higher and gets out two cans from the fridge offering one to Robert.

“Thanks,” he pops it and slurps. Aaron laughs like he’s trying to hide it, Robert ignores him and asks, “How’s Liv?”

He didn’t see her when he came in, so he doesn’t know if she’s not here or in her room.

“She’s with my mum, she heard about our date and wanted out.”

“Didn’t want to meet me?”

“Didn’t want to hear you.”

Robert lets his eyes look down and back up under his lashes. Aaron’s watching him, and yeah, they’re going to end up in bed, but not yet. “Shame. I know how to be quiet.”

Aaron’s eyes take him in from head to toe and it spikes the eagerness in Robert, but they’re interrupted by the oven timer.

It’s all still really good, he finds. The cheese has melted superbly, the chips are somehow still crunchy but not burnt, and his beer just tops it all off.

“You’re a good date, I’ll definitely come back.”

“That’s alright then.” Aaron’s got a delicate flush going on his cheeks and Robert loves it. They wash up and dry together, companionable as they waffle back and forth at each other about work before they crash on Aaron’s sofa with fresh beers and a new episode of the Grand Tour.

“Been saving it.”

They watch it together as if they always have, picking out bits, discussing bits they find interesting. Robert just really enjoys getting Aaron’s opinions on things.

“What?” He’s looking at Robert with a confused look on his face as Robert watches him.

“Nothin’.”

“Alright ya weirdo.”

It’s been years if ever that Robert has just spent time with someone. He did with Connor, but it was on varying levels and it was never comfortable like this is. Like a warm dressing gown when it’s cold and your favourite slippers.

“Hey, where d’ya see the future going?”

Aaron looks at him, “Er, a bit forward—”

“Not us, I mean, life. What is the future for Aaron Dingle?”

He’s embarrassed, Robert can tell, but he shrugs, “Dunno, never wanted much in life. Just what I got I guess, maybe a nicer car.”

Robert touches Aaron’s face, cups his cheek, feels that now familiar feeling of scratchy sandpaper where his beard roughs up his skin. Aaron leans forward, and they kiss softly; it’s not anything, it doesn’t lead anywhere, it’s just a kiss.

When it’s over, Aaron nudges his nose up against Robert’s and he smiles, and Robert just can’t help but smile with him.

 

 

Aaron does take him up to his room. It’s nice, not unlike Robert’s with rich dark purple bedding that feels nice under his hands when he sits down.

“S’alright this, innit?” Robert says with an amused tone.

Aaron huffs with a smile on his face as he pulls his top up. Robert isn’t over that, how strong Aaron’s body is as he pulls at Robert’s shirt, thick fingers undoing tiny buttons. Robert holds him, his hands resting on Aaron’s bum, tugging gently on his trousers.

“Oh, just take ‘em off, will ya?” Aaron laughs, and Robert bites his lip to stop himself from laughing as he gets Aaron’s trousers down his legs and leaves them above his knees.

Aaron deadpans, “Are you sure?”

“Never pleased, are ya?” Robert snorts as he bumps into Aaron as he helps him kick off his trousers and he throws his own shirt with them and makes short work of his trousers. He keeps his stripy socks on though.

“No.”

Robert looks at Aaron, “What? Come on?”

Aaron peels off his own black socks, “Ya killing me here.”

He concedes with no small amount of fuss and Aaron hooks his pants down before he lies on the bed and Robert’s objections don’t really seem so big anymore.

Aaron obviously isn’t used to being watched, but he puts up with it from Robert as Robert lies next to him, his hand on Aaron’s thigh. When Robert doesn’t move, Aaron takes his hand up over himself and bites his lip as he finds his own pleasure. Robert presses light kisses to Aaron’s ribs, his chest, his collarbone and up under his jaw as he sighs and lets his mouth fall open, wet, and needing to be kissed.

Robert pulls his hand away as he takes Aaron’s mouth, his tongue slipping in to overwhelm Aaron’s, licking behind his teeth, against his tongue and drawing back again. When Robert lets him go, Aaron’s eyes are hooded, and he rolls away to open a drawer while Robert pulls his underwear off.

He leaves it all in front of Robert and Robert sits up on his ankles, “How do you want to…?”

Aaron gets up and folds himself down on his hands and knees, the expanse of his back down to his pertly curved arse just off Robert’s left side. It’s a true gift.

Robert doesn’t spend a huge amount of time preparing them both, Aaron’s rocking back on his fingers and whining so low he probably thinks Robert can’t hear him.  Easing out, Robert lines himself up at Aaron’s back and uses his hands to tilt Aaron’s hips down a bit.

A kiss on his back, Robert waits, and Aaron nods. The push is both harder and easier like this, they have space, Aaron widens his legs a little and Robert can do the same, but it’s all focused on that one point. The air seems to thicken with it, that if a breeze were to happen it’s a secondary touch to what is occurring between them.

Robert bottoms out, “Y’alright?”

Another nod, a croaked “yeah.”

They rock together, first slowly and then a gentle counterpoint while Aaron screws up his duvet under his hands.

“More?”

Robert takes Aaron slipping a hand around himself as a yes and he bends down, hooks his arms around Aaron’s shoulders and drives solidly into him. Whines turn to moans to hard grunts as they both start to sweat, Robert slides his hands down and pinches Aaron’s nipples, earning a choked cry for it, and then he holds his waist as he pulls Aaron down and off himself. The room is just filled with their shared pleasure, their shared desire for what is between them. Aaron comes first, pushing down hard on Robert who hisses against the tightness and barely keeps from crumbling. He manages to pick up again, a soft kiss between Aaron’s shoulder blades that turns into a wet swipe as he spills inside the condom. They’re both breathing heavily, and Aaron pulls Robert to drop down with him on the bed, Robert still on his back and inside.

“Aren’t I squashing you?”

Aaron shakes his head, “Don’t care.”

Robert kisses his shoulder and stays as long as Aaron wants him.

 

 

Robert has work tomorrow, even if he only does it at home, so he can’t actually stay even though Aaron does make a very good argument for staying as he licks Robert’s neck from where he’s behind him on the bed, and bites his throat as he’s trying to put on his shirt.

“Come on, don’t. You know that’s not fair.” Robert nudges him with his head and Aaron comes around for a kiss.

“Don’t be boring, Robert.” He’s joking, but Robert does. He does want to stay. He pulls on Aaron’s hair and kisses him quick again before he goes back to what he was doing.

Aaron pushes his shirt tails out of the way and holds his waist, his legs coming to rest either side of Robert’s. His chin is digging into Robert’s back when he talks, “Good thing you’re training this week then, innit?”

“The best.” He buttons up as much as he can with Aaron still in the way and he laces their hands together on his waist.

Aaron uses his chin to push even further into Robert and shove him off the bed. They both let go and Robert finishes dressing, Aaron grabbing his jumper and a pair of joggers to see him out.

They manage to get to the door despite several kiss related pitstops when the doorbell goes. Aaron frowns, it’s the middle of the night, and Robert trails after him to see what the fuss is.

Aaron opens the door and it’s two police officers. Robert doesn’t know how they knew where he was, but he’s definitely about to have a word over intimidation tactics when they start:

“Aaron Dingle, you are under arrest for the assault of Connor Jensen. You do not have to say anything. But, it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.”

“What?” Robert looks at Aaron and then the police, “No. Let him go.”

“Excuse me, sir, but we have a warrant.”

“It’s alright, Robert, just let me go.” Aaron looks resigned, quiet in a way Robert doesn’t like. “Call me mum though, her number is in me phone, code 5192.”

Robert is left dumbfounded and alone in Aaron’s flat searching for his phone when he realises _he_ has a text.

**It’s never over, is it, Rob?**


	12. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Robert manages to get a call into Chas, who thanks him but clearly doesn’t think much else._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter I'm most nervous about as it's the heart of the fic and whether what I've written up until now supports it, so be kind? Please? <3

Robert manages to get a call into Chas, who thanks him but clearly doesn’t think much else.

“Robert, right. The prodigal son.”

“Er, I guess. About Aaron—”

“Don’t worry about Aaron, I’ll get him sorted.”

And the conversation sort of ends there and he’s left staring at Aaron’s mobile like a naughty child whose been told to sit on the naughty step.

He puts Aaron’s phone on the kitchen table so it’s clearly visible and hunts around for a spare key, and when not finding one, he closes the door in the hopes that his mother will lock his door for him if he’s not back in the morning.

It’s only when Aaron’s front door closes that he lets his head drop back onto the door like _Jesus_. _What have I done?_

 

 

Vic pops ‘round for breakfast and turns out she’s heard about Aaron from Adam.

“Wow, no one hangs about do they?” Robert grouses as he pours water into his cup. He hates instant, but he can’t be arsed this morning.

She ignores him, peeling an orange before popping a slice into her mouth, “Aaron has always had a strong sense of right and wrong. Execution is where he generally falls short.”

Robert looks at her with a frown, coffee cup almost reaching his mouth, “Whadda ya mean?”

“He was in prison earlier in the year for beating up a guy, a gay guy, while defending another friend. Gay as well, mind, if that matters.”

 _Prison_. _Aaron was in prison_. It’s something he hears but files away for later processing. It does, however, get the cogs turning, “And what? You think Aaron—”

“No! Probably not. It’s just, if Aaron thinks it’s right, there isn’t a lot that can stop him.”

“Well, he didn’t. And if you think that ‘cause I was having problems with Connor that I asked—”

“Robert. I don’t think anything. I just—it doesn’t look good for ‘im, and Aaron won’t save himself if he thinks he’s damning someone else.”

_He thinks he’s protecting me?_

“What’s going on with ‘im, it ain’t fair and I won’t let it stand.”

“Robert, you need to be very careful with Aaron. He ain’t your usual type of bloke.” Vic tells him, all seriousness on her face.

“What ain’t you telling me?”

“I know you and he are friendly and that, but Aaron is…Aaron has lived through a lot. He’s deep, and sensitive.”

“I gathered that, he’s a nice bloke.” Robert puts his cup down and steals Vic’s orange.

Vic looks at him sadly, “Yeah. And nice blokes are nice for a reason.”

_What’s that saying? Those who hurt the most smile the widest?_

 

 

Vic texts him later in the day to say that Aaron was let out on bail and Adam was driving him home.

Robert knows that he should give Aaron space, let him work through what he needs to, but he can’t leave it, him, alone.

He knocks on Aaron’s door and when he opens it, he doesn’t look entirely pleased to see Robert.

“What are ya doing here?”

“We need to talk about this.”

“What? Your ex trying bang me up for walloping ‘im?”

“Aaron.”

“Do one, Robert. Not today.” He starts to close the door, but Robert shoves his foot in the way.

“ _Aaron_.”

Aaron looks down at his foot and swings the door open, leaving it to go while he storms off into the flat.

“Robert, ‘m tired, leave it, yeah?”

“I want to say I’m sorry.”

“Fine, you’re sorry, I’m tired.”

 _There_. He sees a crack and he goes for it, pulling Aaron into a hug that he doesn’t return right away, but ends with him holding Robert’s waist.

“If I thought for a second he was gonna—”

“It ain’t your fault, I teach mixed martial arts, it ain’t exactly hard to find me.” Aaron pulls away and Robert can feel him searching his face, “Don’t get why though.”

“Whadda ya mean?”

“It’s over between ya, right? Why go after me?”

“I don’t know.”

“There’s gotta be a reason, Robert.”

“Well there ain’t one.

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not!”

Aaron shakes his head like he can’t believe it. “I guess you’re right, I don’t know anything, Robert, do I? It’s not like we’re a couple where you tell me shit.”

It feels like a slap in the face, but he isn’t entirely wrong. All they have is a few choice nights spent together and basic conversation to mitigate the fact they have being shagging like rabbits.

He still goes all in because he’s hurt: “And who’s choice is that? You wanted to see how it goes.”

“Yeah ‘cause you’re a barely out the closet case.” There’s a flicker of a wince, but Aaron stands by what he says.

“Wow.” Robert shakes his head, “Screw you.”

Aaron’s eyes light with a fire as he folds his arms. Robert steps towards Aaron, and he tilts his head up, not giving Robert an inch.

Robert keeps his voice low and measured, “You care about me, and I care about you. You wanna talk about the truth, we can talk, but don’t pretend that you don’t _know_.”

He doesn’t know what possesses Aaron, but he presses his hands against Robert’s chest and shoves. Robert doesn’t even stumble it’s so light, but he does step back. Aaron does it again.

“What exactly is it that _you_ know, Robert? You see what ya wanna see and ignore everything else.”

“No.”

“No? Why ain’t you asked me about my scars then?”

Pale and silvery, etched across Aaron’s chest and arms, Robert knows exactly what he’s saying, but he doesn’t let Aaron push him again, he shoves back this time, “I didn’t think you wanted me to.”

Another shove, “Are you them? Are they the sum total of what you are?”

Aaron falters and Robert stops, standing in front of him.

“You’re the man who has done nothing but try to help me since I met you. If that’s not who you are, okay. Tell me, who are ya?”

“Who are you, Aaron? Are ya a bully? Did you kick the stuffing out of my ex? D’ya think I did because I’m scared to be who I am? Do you think so little of me?”

Aaron seems to crumble, and Robert catches him with a hand on his face, “I am so sorry this happened to you, but I’m gonna fix it, okay.”

Robert feels Aaron grip his arms as he leans up to kiss him, both of them a little hesitant as they fit in only the way they can seem to do. It comforts them where words can’t seem to.

“What’s going on, Robert?” Aaron breathes as they part.

“The short version…there is no short version, but no one comes out of it good. Not even me. Can you handle that?”

“You’ll sort it for me with Liv?”

Robert nods, “I won’t let you lose her.”

“Then, alright.”

 

 

 

Aaron is asleep on his side when Robert digs out his phone and checks his messages from Zoe after he texted her this morning. She’s spoken to Paul and he’s on it. He just needs the name of Aaron’s solicitor so that the files can be transferred over.

“Are you going?” Aaron mumbles as he rolls over. He rubs at his chest, they didn’t have sex, just got into bed in t-shirts and their pants, cuddling like when Robert needed it a couple of days ago.

 _God, is that all?_ He thinks as he nods.

“A lot’s happening.” He admits.

“How’s that?”

“Dragging you into it, it’s scare tactics. My boss, he doesn’t want me in the business so he’s trying to oust me anyway he can.”

“By chucking me back in prison?”

“Among other things.”

“Other things?” Aaron sits up and Robert sighs. He supposes he’ll have to come clean sooner or later.

“My burglary. It was him after some files I don’t actually keep at my flat.”

“Robert, you have to go to the police—”

“Aaron, he put me in hospital, almost broke my back, I don’t want to do anything until I know I can nail him.”

“You’re being stupid.”

“I know. I just—I’m so close, I can feel it. I can take that bastard for everything.” Robert can almost taste it and it’s a heady satisfaction he won’t give up.

“Is that what ya want? Everything?”

“It’s a start.”

Aaron looks at him and Robert feels exposed, the ugly parts of him finally slipping out.

“How does Connor fit into it?”

Robert sighs and lies back down, “He’s a prostitute.”

“What.”

“Lawrence, my boss, hired him to expose my ‘bad’ intentions and all my secrets.”

“But you weren’t out.”

“No, but he had his suspicions and he used them to his advantage. Blackmail, or he would have if Connor hadn’t told me and the burglary hadn’t happened.”

Robert thinks it shows how human Aaron is that the part he focuses on, what he asks is: “You were lonely?”

He sighs though, “I was bored. Then I was…accustomed. I had everything right up until it came out that I had nothing.”

“’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’m under no illusions about the kind of man I was.”

“But not now?”

“I’m trying. I moved away, back home, try’na get what’s mine, but try’na be better, y’know.”

Robert leans down and lets his nose press on Aaron’s chest as Aaron rubs the back of his head automatically.

“It felt like a fresh start ‘cause I met you.”

Aaron draws him back up and they kiss, Aaron pulling away to kiss his nose, his cheek, forehead and back down again. It’s a kind of forgiveness he doesn’t deserve.

“What about you? Prison?” Robert kisses Aaron’s forehead and settles down onto his arm to listen if Aaron will tell him.

Aaron rolls onto his back to look up at the ceiling.

“S’not that complicated. I belted a bloke, got done in and I went inside.”

With his free hand, Robert rubs it gently on Aaron’s stomach, “And the rest?”

Silence, and Aaron squeezes his eyes shut as tears leak minutely out the corners of his eyes.

“I got caught up in bad stuff in prison. Things had come out – about me – that I couldn’t, wouldn’t, deal with and I wanted to forget. It just means I have to work really, really hard at keeping Liv and the faith people have in me.”

His business. The kids that he teaches. Their parents bring their kids because they trust Aaron to teach them to be strong, in the right way, as long as he keeps being the man they know him to be.

“Aaron, I’m—”

“Look, I’ll talk to them, explain it and it’ll be okay. This ain’t my first blip.”

Robert leans up and over to kiss him and Aaron wraps his arms around Robert’s back, pulling him so that he ends up lying on top of him, resting between the splay of his legs. Robert runs his hand up Aaron’s side, brackets his ribs with the span of his palm as Aaron pushes against him.

“Come on.”

Robert wonders if it will always be this easy with Aaron.

Slowly, he pushes Aaron’s t-shirt up, tracing his tongue in the pronounced divots of muscle where he’s lying on his back. He dips his tongue into Aaron’s belly button and he huffs because it tickles, and Robert uses that to pull his pants off his hips and expose him to Robert’s intentions. He presses his nose into the hair above him and let’s his mouth rub over Aaron, easing him into pleasure. Robert looks up at him and Aaron is watching him intently, his hand resting on his stomach. It’s measured, unhurried, and Aaron runs his fingers through Robert’s hair as he slides on and off him, tightening to pull him away when he quakes, his thighs quivering and his breathing short.

Robert wipes Aaron with his own pants and moves to lie back down next to him. Aaron reaches for him, but he shakes his head. He just slides his leg between Aaron’s and hugs himself tight to his side.

“We’ll be okay.” Robert says into Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron nods, and Robert feels it, but he doesn’t at the same time.

“If ya sure.”

That’s the point, neither of them are.


	13. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Robert falls asleep at Aaron’s when he shouldn’t, and it shows._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWNNNNNNN!
> 
> Actually, it's not. There's one more chapter of Part A (Robert's story) left where we get our apex culmination/showdown and we set up into Part B (Aaron's story). Buckle up kids, it's a rough one (or two).

Robert falls asleep at Aaron’s when he shouldn’t, and it shows. He has his first nightmare in ages and he wakes up disorientated, Aaron holding his hands up and in front of himself.

“Robert?”

He blinks to try and rid the sleep from his eyes and mind, but he doesn’t feel real until Aaron reaches out and touches his wrist. He watches as Aaron’s fingers try to curl around and touch each other, only they never quite meet.

“You never said ya had nightmares.”

“I don’t—” Robert still feels out of it and like his tongue is thick and fuzzy, “I did. I do.”

Aaron looks at him, concern etched on his face, but Robert lies back down, “They stopped when we—”

 _When I stopped focusing on that and started focusing on you_.

“There’s a lot riding on this for you,” Aaron says quietly.

Robert rolls so that he’s sitting up, “Don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t—“ He turns back and Aaron’s licking his lips, “Don’t do that.”

“Like I said, it’s fine.”

He grabs his jeans off the floor and tries to find the words that are gonna make this easier. He feels vulnerable and exposed having been seen in what he knows isn’t a pretty sight, he knows he scared Vic so badly once with his shaking that she accidentally pushed him out his bed.

“Robert, maybe you should let it all go.”

“You think he’ll stop? He’ll let you go? No. I finish it and it’s done.”

It’s the first time Robert leaves Aaron and doesn’t kiss him goodbye.

 

 

 

He pretty much sets himself up on his computer and doesn’t move as he tries to figure out how to get Aaron out from under his charge. Paul facetimes him and tells him how it is.

“I’m sorry Robert, either Connor retracts his statement, or it’s proven false are your only options.”

“No, there’s a third option.

 

 

 

Robert has had a guy on the hospital and he told him Connor was let out for frankly minor injuries yesterday and he’s staying in a hotel room. It’s not far and from what they can tell, he’s still there.

He fumes the whole way there, of course. He demands to be let up to his room by incompetent staff and when he knocks, he’s met with smug indifference.

“Robert, fancy seeing you here.” Connor opens his room door and dramatic shows Robert in.

He’s got zero patience, so he shoves past, “Shut it. Aaron? Really?”

A shrug, “He wasn’t my first choice, no, but—”

Robert grabs Connor by the scruff of his cheap blue shirt, finger pointed in his face, “You know he has a sister, right? Someone depending on him.”

“We all have—”

Robert shakes him, “No, you ain’t doing this to him, pack it in now.”

He had thought it was Lawrence, a last ditch attempt to get him to back off, but when he looked at the evidence that Paul managed to scope out for him the timings don’t add up. Connor’s doing this to punish Robert. He knows it in his bones because looking at Connor, it’s etched into every line of him when he disinterestedly replies, “The wheel is already in motion.”

“Then find a damn break then.”

“I guess. For a price.”

 _Once a whore, always a whore_ , Robert lets go of him with disgust.

“Everything is always a price with you. The only way anything has value. Come on then, what’s your price?”

It’s a look. A look he knows well, he often welcomed it after a long day and a nice cold beer. He wants one thing: _Robert_.

The worst part is Connor knows he has him. The only two people who can collaborate their stories is each other, so Robert thinks about Aaron, about the things he didn’t say when he talked about prison, about Liv, the innocent girl he’s never even met.

“Fine.”

There’s a pause, a shocked look that barely appears and is gone.

“Are you really gonna do that to him? Over me?” It reeks of smugness, but there’s no bite to it. It doesn’t make him feel better either.

Robert feels sick, of course he does, but he’ll do this. He’ll take off his clothes and whore himself if it means Aaron out of this mess. Even if it means he’ll lose him.

“Aaron doesn’t deserve this, what part don’t you get? You want to punish me? Fine. I threw you away like rubbish after you screwed me over, but that was _me_.”

He’s unbuttoning his shirt and Connor is sitting on the bed, “Rob, don’t.”

“What, it isn’t what you wanted?” He spits like a viper. “Suddenly grown a conscience?”

“I just wanted—” _you_. “We were, whatever we were, for a year, Robert. You’d never do this for me. What is it about him?”

“I _love_ him.” It punches out of him without warning, but still, it’s like stepping out into the sun after being in the dark for so long. All that he was was dark and ugly, Aaron makes things bright.

“He’s just…better than all this.”

“I know.” Connor says sadly, standing up and tugging on Robert’s open shirt tails. He crosses them so that his stomach is no longer exposed.

“You’re not gonna make me do this?”

Connor frowns, “God, no. Just. Kiss me like you used to.”

He hesitates. This is definitely going to get thrown back in his face, but Connor shakes his head, “I want this for me. For when you’re gone.”

Robert dithers for a second before he slides his hands up to cup Connor’s face, his eyes closing slowly. Robert breathes against his lips, catches his own over Connor’s and kisses him gently. Connor’s hands move to brace his back, slipping around to clutch at his shirt. It’s the last, so he nudges Connor’s mouth open and presses inside, tries to fill him up with the good feelings he has of them together. It’s not like when he kisses, or is kissed by Aaron, his heart doesn’t race, his body doesn’t yearn, but he feels a softness for the time they spent together. Connor, for all his faults, was good to him, and he made it possible for Robert to love Aaron.

They part, and Robert kisses his mouth softly once and lets him go.

Connor just keeps his eyes closed like he can hold onto the moment, so Robert lets him. He does grab Robert’s hand though.

“Just because I’m done, doesn’t mean he is.”

There’s nothing he can say to that, so he just walks to the door, opens and closes it, and doesn’t look back. He can see the door to Connor’s room from the hall when he gets into the lift, but there is no part of him that wishes things had been different.

He texts Connor when he’s sitting in his car: **you’ll sort Aaron out?**

**Yeah. Best man won.**

**Don’t lie to me.**

**Got nothing left.**

He pauses.

**Thank you.**

 

 He scrolls up in his phone, picks his contact and texts Aaron: **Have news, see you at the pub. X**

 

 

 

 

Robert is getting himself ready to go to the pub when his buzzer goes. He checks quickly, and it’s Aaron, so he lets him up, grabbing his shoes.

He opens the door and Aaron is lingering in a way that makes Robert frown.

“You coming in or what?”

Aaron just stays there, “I can’t believe I believed ya.”

“What?”

“Am I a mug or summat?” Aaron wipes his mouth in anger, as if the action will buy him more time to build up what he’s going to say or calm him down, “Vic and me were at the pub, wondering where you’d got to, when your _wife_ came round. Said you’d been neglecting her.”

_What? No, that’s not—_

“Aaron.” It’s a plea. It falls on deaf ears.

“Save it, Robert.”

He tries again, “You don’t understand.”

 _The final card_ , and what Connor was talking about when he mentioned Lawrence.

“You’re right, I don’t. I don’t want to.”

Robert tries to catch Aaron as he backs away from Robert’s door, but he throws him off. Robert doesn’t let him go. He makes for a better grip this time and ducks his head for a desperate kiss.

Aaron’s mouth is cold. He doesn’t welcome Robert in the slightest and Robert feels his stomach leak despair.

“Don’t.” Aaron pulls away again, and Robert feels the widening distance between them.

“Please listen to me.”

“You don’t deserve it. Now lemme go.”

 _You don’t deserve it. You. Don’t. Deserve. It_.

“You said you understood.”

Aaron stops and looks at him, it’s a hard look and Robert would do anything to get rid of it.

“You made it sound like it was you and me.”

“It is you and me!”

“It’s you, me and your wife! What, she not enough for ya so you needed a bit on the side?! Is that why Connor is so bent outta shape? Having to share you _again_?”

“No, god, no. I ain’t proud of—” He starts, but Aaron cuts him off.

“Of what? That you got caught?”

He feels his own anger rising at Aaron’s refusal to listen, “You think it was easy?! Being half of yourself for as long as you can remember?!”

“And that makes it alright does it?”

Robert lets out a breath, tries again, “No, but that’s why we’re getting a divorce, she didn’t want my lies and I didn’t want to lie.”

“Well, neither do I.”

“ _Aaron_.”

Everything collapses and crumbles as Aaron leaves.

 


	14. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He knows he’s only got himself to blame, but Robert sits on his settee, wiping his face, and trying to tell his heart that he didn’t just ruin the one thing it wanted._

He knows he’s only got himself to blame, but Robert sits on his settee, wiping his face, and trying to tell his heart that he didn’t just ruin the one thing it wanted.

He sleeps for a bit. It doesn’t get better.

Aaron doesn’t answer his texts, so he doesn’t bother trying to ring.

Why couldn’t he just tell the whole truth? Why does he have to part and parcel it to be given out like bread crumbs?

_You know why._

_You knew he’d never stay if you did_.

 

 

Robert is looking over the divorce papers that Chrissie dropped off with Vic after Aaron left her in the pub with some sort of enforced maudlin purgatory for what happened when he sees it. The blatant in his face, goddamn crowning glory.

“You son of a bitch.” Robert has him. He has him dead to rights.

 

 

He’s in the office the next day and he doesn’t even show Zoe what he’s found. He emails it to Paul and he takes it up to that insufferable arse’s office. He’s gonna face judgment for every damn thing from his burglary to what happened to Aaron.

“Mr Sugden, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

It’s not even polite, it’s veiled hatred and Robert feels the same.

“You overplayed your hand, _Larry_.”

“Hmm? Whatever could you mean?”

“Chrissie coming ‘round, sure, it threw a spanner in the works for me with Aaron, but we both know he’s better off out of this. I think you’ll find Connor is out too.”

His heart gives him a pained pang, but Robert unfolds the copy of the document and places it in front of Lawrence. This will soothe at least a fraction of that.

“’Cause this is about family.”

It’s everything to see Lawrence’s face drop as he realises what it is. What he has led Robert to.

Robert has been steadily stealing clients, since the day he got this job, that’s no secret, but to take control of the business he needed an in, a legal recourse. His marriage to Chrissie would have done it, them managing it together through inheritance, except, she’s not Lawrence’s biological daughter – something they found out during the course of their marriage _after_ this document was drawn – and it made her a moot point. Taking her out of the equation meant that everything in Lawrence’s absence would go to the remaining _legal_ heir, by age, by right, by _marriage_. _Robert_. A divorce would have voided it, of course, his infidelity the death knell in him being removed from the family, and Robert would never be the wiser because he doesn’t usually make it his business to read fussy, arse-y loopholes, just large arse-y loopholes.  Except Lawrence couldn’t leave it alone. He had to make sure Robert was out and that he knew his place while he was at it.

But now? If he can do it, if Paul can get it to work, he gets everything if he can just push Lawrence out.

A bit of light GBH? Blackmail? Off-shore accounting. All the little things Robert’s been saving for a rainy day will shove him right off the cliff.

“The possibilities are endless, _Dad_.”

“If you think—” Lawrence splutters and Robert smiles.

“I don’t think, I know. You handed me everything, even this.”

His anger is rising with the redness of his face, “I won’t let _my_ company go to the likes of you. You lying, cheating—”

“You don’t have a choice, do you? Not after all you’ve done. You shoulda let me go, you shoulda taken the freedom and run.” Robert feels his anger drip like slime inside him and he pours it into every word. “You can blame me, but this, this is all _you_.”

“Cheerio, _mate_ , be seeing ya.” _Victory_. He wants to say it’s hollow without Aaron, but it’s glorious.

 

A desperate man is a dangerous man.

Robert should have known better.

 

It’s the sound of a whip crack and then pain assaulting his back as he turns to leave. His white shirt pools red and he frowns, Lawrence’s assistant coming in and screaming at him.

It’s hazy after that, and he’s tired. Robert just lets himself fall, fall straight into sleep.

 

 

 

 

He’s lying forcibly upright in an ugly hospital room when he comes to. His chest is naked save the bandages wrapped around him and Zoe is sitting by his bed with her glasses askew as she leans on her hand, reading the paper.

“What?” It’s all that comes out, all that Robert has energy for.

“You were shot, Robert. In the back, the bullet went through, which is good apparently.”

When he tries to move Zoe gets up and puts a hand on his shoulder, “Don’t try to do much, it might pop something.”

“Vic?”

“She’s coming. Do you want me to call Aaron?”

Robert lets out a breath and shakes his head, “No.”

He can feel the tears that are hot on his face and Zoe brushes back his hair, “Oh no. It’s s’alright.”

“Are you?” He asks her.

She nods, but her lip wibbles, “Got a shock when Leanne phoned down that you’d been shot. I came up just before the paramedics did.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be silly. I just didn’t want you to be alone.”

It hurts, but Robert reaches up and puts his hand on Zoe’s and pats it softly before she grips it tightly in her own.

“At least now we know we can get the bastard.”

Robert tries to laugh, but it hurts too much so he stops. He’s tired again and Zoe leaves him to sleep.

 

 

 

He wakes up when he hears muffled voices.

“I can’t believe he did that.” It’s Vic. “Robert already agreed to the divorce, Chrissie brought him the papers to sign.”

“Whadda ya mean?” _Aaron_.

“Chrissie, it’s what she came for the other day. They’ve been separated 6 months and Robert wasn’t contesting or anything.”

“So, he wasn’t…with her?”

“No, they split up right before he was burgled.”

“He wanted a fresh start.” It’s soft, more like to himself than to Vic.

“Aaron, are you alright?”

Robert realises _he’s_ crying again. He’s in pain and his heart hurts and can’t help a loud groan as he tries to move.

“Oh!” Vic gets to him first, her face soft when he looks at her, “There ya are, hiya, Robert.”

“Aaron.”

Vic is brushing his hair back like Zoe did and she’s smiling at him, trying to keep him calm, “Yeah, he’s here, he brought me up. Do you need more pain medication? They said they gave you tramadol, but they’ll give you morphine if it ain’t working.”

Robert reaches out his hand, “Aaron?”

He’s standing a little off to the side, but he comes and takes Robert’s hand. He tugs on it and Aaron looks at him, asking, “Y’alright?”

“I love you.”

“Robert.” It’s a soft warning, _don’t_.

He can’t help it, his brain is fuzzy and he wants to tell him: “I’m sorry. I love you.”

Robert squeezes Aaron’s hand and lets sleep take him again while he hears Vic still.

“You two? You’re dating my brother? Wow.”

 

 

 

In the less hazy morning, Robert tries to eat a piece of toast, his throat sore, but his stomach hungry, while Victoria stirs the tea a nurse made her.

“Aaron, huh?”

“What about Aaron?” He can’t deny it, but he can feign prolonged ignorance.

“Oh, I don’t know ‘I love you, I’m sorry, I love you’ Aaron?”

Part of him had hoped that was an obnoxious dream, a lovely one where he got to tell him how he felt, but a dream just the same.

“He asked me after you fell asleep, about what I knew had happened to ya. I didn’t realise the burglary was Lawrence as well.” Her voice is small, pained for the things that Robert chose to keep from her.

He sighs, “I didn’t want to worry ya, or make you a target.”

“Robert, this man hurt you, you don’t hide that from me. We do it together as a family, how many times do I have to tell you that?” She takes a sip before she starts again, “Can’t help but notice that Aaron seemed upset to know about Chrissie. Did ya lie?”

He sighs again, and puts his toast down, “I didn’t tell the truth. Chrissie and I weren’t together so—”

“It didn’t seem relevant?”

“Yeah.”

She gives him a look, “Oh, Robert.”

“It’s not like I’ve done this a lot.” He feels stupid, really stupid, but that’s the truth of it.

“This?”

“Aaron, dating him. He’s the first guy I’ve ever, properly, that is.”

“And you love ‘im?”

“For what it’s worth.”

“You ain’t a bad bloke, Robert Sugden, so I think it means a lot.”

 

He gets let out from hospital when his drains are removed, but he’s slow on his feet for a while. Vic stays a couple of days, but they start rubbing each other up the wrong way and she goes home on the understanding that her help is much appreciating _during the days_ , but the nights are fine, thank you.

There’s a buzz up to his flat and Robert buzzes back on his way to grab a biscuit and slowly makes his way to the door.

Robert opens it and it’s Aaron.

“Hiya,” he says as he opens the door wider for him to pass. His hands shoved in his coat, Aaron nods and lets himself pass Robert into his flat.

He looks nervous.

“’m sorry for not hearing ya when you told me the truth.”

Robert looks at him, “Oh, well, it’s not like I gave myself any help proving myself.”

“I just,” Aaron licks his lips, “I love ya too, so it was hard. Thinking ya had someone else and me.”

“You love me?” Robert feels like he’s 10 feet tall all of a sudden.

Aaron snorts, “Yeah, I guess.”

He wants to at least be able to hug Aaron, but he’s still too sore to be honest so he leans his head to the side, “Give us a kiss then.”

Aaron smiles and kisses the tip of his nose. It’s the last thing he was expecting so he laughs.

“Fair enough.”

“You just got shot, Robert. How did ya get shot?”

Police had come to ask for his statement and he was replayed footage from the office and, frankly, he doesn’t remember most of it. He just watched himself get up, turn and Lawrence pull a gun from his desk and shooting him.

“I had him. I was gonna get everything if I stayed married to Chrissie and ousted him.”

“The divorce papers?” Aaron asks.

He nods, “In black and white, I never noticed it before, it was summat Chrissie mentioned when we had our prenup made.”

 _Everything for my everything_. She really did deserve better.

“He obviously panicked, grabbed the gun, but he called the ambulance right after, only the damage was done. He’ll lose everything.”

“It’ll go to you?”

“No, I signed my divorce papers. It’ll go to the next legal heir, his other daughter, Rebecca.”

“This—this was what you wanted.”

He thought he did, he really did, but when it was said and done, after that first blush of triumph, it left him emptier than he expected.

“No, I wanted…I wanted him to pay, I think. He looked down his nose at me from the day I met ‘im, and I wanted to show ‘im up. Played by a scrap from the Dales.”

“Now he will.”

“Now he will.” He agrees.

“Now what?”

Robert smiles, “Now I get to be happy.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I’m a young, out-ish bisexual man,” His heart only jumps a small amount as he says it now, “Got ‘em falling at my feet.”

“Is that right?” Aaron is smiling, joking with him now.

“Funny though, I met this fit trainer not so long ago—” Robert teases.

“Ah.”

“Gay as you like.”

“Oi.”

“And I wanna see how it goes with him. If he’ll ‘ave me.”

Aaron is searching his face and he nods once.

Robert bites his lip, “Let’s do it right now, yeah? I meet ya family, you meet mine. We tell each other stuff.”

“Not just shag?”

“Not just shag.” Robert laughs as he puts his hand on Aaron’s waist, pulling on him a bit, “The shagging is good though.”

“You’ll be lucky, 6 weeks before ya can consider it.”

“I can wait.”

They’re both smiling, both dopey and Robert leans forward, pain be damned, and gives Aaron a kiss.

Aaron tells him to rest before he goes, and Robert shuts the door behind him, filled with happy promise for a new beginning.

 

 

 

***

 

Aaron pulls his hands out of his coat pockets and winces as the scabby crust on his knuckles cracks and blood pushes through.

Shoving them back inside, he walks down to the lift. _What no one knows can’t be wrong, can it?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then, that's the end of Part A! Of course, we'll see repercussions from this throughout Part B, but the 'mystery' of Part A is done with now.
> 
> And like them, it's a tale of two halves and the full title of the story is actually With Bloodied Hearts and Broken Hands (I Hold the Shattered Pieces of Me). So yeah, we're gonna dig into Aaron a little bit, see what it's like when they try to be in a proper relationship.
> 
> There will be a short break between this and when I start posting B (it's still this story, re: subscriptions etc), just so that I can get a few other bits and bobs done. Plus, multichapters are hard, one needs breaks to be able to cope. :D
> 
> For future readers, this is your intermission, go get a drink, take a walk, just have a break before you start in on the next one. ;)


End file.
